My blog is mostly dedicated to ranting and groaning at my fellow human beings at the stupid sh*t they do. B*tching, denouncing, attacking, grumbling, bellyaching, and criticizing can all be found here.
And, of course, you'll find the objecting and defenses of the accused. Those you can ignore, because they're not really important.
And, of course, you'll find the objecting and defenses of the accused. Those you can ignore, because they're not really important.
Break-Ups Part 1: The Pain
Posted 10-30-2009 at 07:57 AM by Light Knight
We have been going strong. Maybe too strong. I couldn't believe how wonderful it felt to be with someone instead of alone. Everyday I woke up with a smile and once in a while when i went to bed I'd stare past the ceiling to the heavens and the God for what he had given me. Those were the only real times I had felt needed, had needed, and had been happy.
Why didn't I see that it couldn't last? I guess some of us have that kind of life; not saying I'm the only one. But honestly, it's just a select group of us (I know because i don't see other people kneeling in the streets screaming out "Why ME?") We're shown a little slice of Heaven only to watch it be ripped out of our reality like a limited warranty and our hearts, spirit, and wills are taken with it. And it HURTS. More then anything else, and you know why? Because this was the one time we had let our guard down against the world to let just one person in and that person brought us down.
Over the phoneline, on the night of October 26th, the best relationship of my life ended. I ended using one of the most despicable methods ever. I couldn't even face her and tell her what I needed to say. I'm a hypocrite, but after what I went through, I think I have the right to be. At first, I though things would get better for me, since I had the reason to end it. But now all I feel is an emptiness that extends deep inside of me and that is being rapidly replaced by anger (You'll find out later why.) I think that in my attempt to save my home life I made my entire existence a miserable and pointless one.
And, of course, what should logically come next? Since, like I've said repeatedly, I'm the one to blame, so I should go crawling back on my hands and knees to fix it, right? But let me tell you, that's way f*cking easier said than done, people. Sure, I can swallow my pride and admit that I was more disgustingly debauched than a story where ****** f*cks a Jewish black girl, but the problem with this is that when you swallow something, it's bound to come out the other end, and it will stink. And let me tell you people, I've been eating my fiber.
We lasted four wonderful months together. Like I said before, they were the best of my life. I couldn't go a day without seeing her of telling her "I love you." (Which later turned into J'taime.) And it's not like I don't love her anymore, it's exactly the opposite, and I always will. So maybe now is a good time to explain why we broke up.
My mother once said that I don't know how to balance my social life with my home responsibilities. Over the course of 4 months, while I was euphorically spending more and more time with her, I was starting to slack more and more at my "home responsibilities." (A.k.a. chores and homework.) This has resulted in an increase of yelling done around there and in turn an equally miserable time there which I was always too happy to escape from and only returned to when I absolutely had to. Then, finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I told her she was right, making her shut up in mid-yell, went up to my bedroom, and broke up with my girlfriend as soon as she was done with dinner. It was the hardest phone call i ever had to make, but that's no excuse for something I should have done in person.
You know what all she could say was? "Well that sucks." Men, I have a question for you: Ever feel like you're worth nothing more than the dirt on someone else's shoe? I felt exactly like she had looked down at an old hoe she was wearing and saw she had stepped in a mud-puddle. I hung up right then and texted her that i'd drop her stuff off the next day. And I did, right before school started and in front of everybody.
NOW she decides to show emotion! But hey, I don't feel like a jackass YET. Oh no, not yet! I watch from a distance as her (once ours, I don't know if I can associate with them now) comfort her.
I feel like a jackass when I realize I was drawing a satisfaction from watching her cry. Throw me into the f*cking depths of Hell, please! Anybody, just do it! I was tempted to skip school that day and think of a way to make it up to her, and soon i realized I had let my emotions get the best of me, and that I need to make things right and be with her again.
Why didn't I see that it couldn't last? I guess some of us have that kind of life; not saying I'm the only one. But honestly, it's just a select group of us (I know because i don't see other people kneeling in the streets screaming out "Why ME?") We're shown a little slice of Heaven only to watch it be ripped out of our reality like a limited warranty and our hearts, spirit, and wills are taken with it. And it HURTS. More then anything else, and you know why? Because this was the one time we had let our guard down against the world to let just one person in and that person brought us down.
Over the phoneline, on the night of October 26th, the best relationship of my life ended. I ended using one of the most despicable methods ever. I couldn't even face her and tell her what I needed to say. I'm a hypocrite, but after what I went through, I think I have the right to be. At first, I though things would get better for me, since I had the reason to end it. But now all I feel is an emptiness that extends deep inside of me and that is being rapidly replaced by anger (You'll find out later why.) I think that in my attempt to save my home life I made my entire existence a miserable and pointless one.
And, of course, what should logically come next? Since, like I've said repeatedly, I'm the one to blame, so I should go crawling back on my hands and knees to fix it, right? But let me tell you, that's way f*cking easier said than done, people. Sure, I can swallow my pride and admit that I was more disgustingly debauched than a story where ****** f*cks a Jewish black girl, but the problem with this is that when you swallow something, it's bound to come out the other end, and it will stink. And let me tell you people, I've been eating my fiber.
We lasted four wonderful months together. Like I said before, they were the best of my life. I couldn't go a day without seeing her of telling her "I love you." (Which later turned into J'taime.) And it's not like I don't love her anymore, it's exactly the opposite, and I always will. So maybe now is a good time to explain why we broke up.
My mother once said that I don't know how to balance my social life with my home responsibilities. Over the course of 4 months, while I was euphorically spending more and more time with her, I was starting to slack more and more at my "home responsibilities." (A.k.a. chores and homework.) This has resulted in an increase of yelling done around there and in turn an equally miserable time there which I was always too happy to escape from and only returned to when I absolutely had to. Then, finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I told her she was right, making her shut up in mid-yell, went up to my bedroom, and broke up with my girlfriend as soon as she was done with dinner. It was the hardest phone call i ever had to make, but that's no excuse for something I should have done in person.
You know what all she could say was? "Well that sucks." Men, I have a question for you: Ever feel like you're worth nothing more than the dirt on someone else's shoe? I felt exactly like she had looked down at an old hoe she was wearing and saw she had stepped in a mud-puddle. I hung up right then and texted her that i'd drop her stuff off the next day. And I did, right before school started and in front of everybody.
NOW she decides to show emotion! But hey, I don't feel like a jackass YET. Oh no, not yet! I watch from a distance as her (once ours, I don't know if I can associate with them now) comfort her.
I feel like a jackass when I realize I was drawing a satisfaction from watching her cry. Throw me into the f*cking depths of Hell, please! Anybody, just do it! I was tempted to skip school that day and think of a way to make it up to her, and soon i realized I had let my emotions get the best of me, and that I need to make things right and be with her again.
Total Comments 0
