My blog is mostly dedicated to ranting and groaning at my fellow human beings at the stupid sh*t they do. B*tching, denouncing, attacking, grumbling, bellyaching, and criticizing can all be found here.
And, of course, you'll find the objecting and defenses of the accused. Those you can ignore, because they're not really important.
And, of course, you'll find the objecting and defenses of the accused. Those you can ignore, because they're not really important.
The Day of the Bellyache!
Hello one and all! Had fun during Halloween? Did you eat a lot of candy last night? I really hope you did. And now you're in for a bellyache that will make a hangover look like heaven.
This is probably one of the only made-up holidays that I'll do a special for. And it's a fun one to do. Because, just like most of my other blogs, is a time where I can point out all the damn stupid things people did last night. In other words, this is almost no different than my usual stuff, only this is holiday themed.
A note on Halloween, first. Halloween is about trust in your neighbors as little kids go and ask them for candy while the teens go and practice Satanic spells and Pagan rituals. At least that's the way I've always perceived it. But nowadays, everybody's so f*cking paranoid about pedophiles and kidnapping serial child-rapists. So instead of little kids running around enjoying the decorations which look really awesome in the dark, they have to walk with an appointed adult in the waning daylight (in other words at 5 p.m. here in Wisconsin,) and look at half-assed decorated houses. Or they get driven around at night, which is only partly better. And parents are so worried about their children getting poisoned that Grandma Betty cant give out her award-winning Carmel popcorn balls (which were a personal favorite of mine.) Also, it's so f*cking cutey-up that it looks like the SMILE channel took a steaming sh*t on it. Not to mention the original intent of the holiday, like most others, is so exploited by marketers to sell candy and cheap plastic masks that people have forgotten what it's about: it's a harvest holiday where most cultures that celebrated it are celebrating the rising of the dead (which is what they offer half of their harvest or so to.)
Now, those teens that weren't inviting demons into their homes with wedgie boards or screaming their lungs out at Haunted Houses, were out vandalizing sh*t. I watched boys in their obvious masks take eggs and hurl them out at houses and cards. I spent the whole night at my girlfriend Lizzy's house (that's right, I got her back and Mike didn't even put up a f*cking fight that inhuman f*cktard!) and was handing out candy to children. I watched them as they came up in groups and held out their bags to me, then stared up with hopeful eyes.
And you know what? I stared right back. They learned a quick lesson when I said "Where's my Trick or Treat?" I'd hear a corus of them and I'd dish out the candy, and they'd run to the next house without so much as a "Thank-you," and the adult smiling and looking so proud at them. What the f*ck? Where the Hell are the manners?
And then, as it got dark, out trickled the teens, quickly replacing the groups of inconsiderate children. I watched those ghetto rats unloaded eggs at the houses and rocks at the vehicles. Then some came down the street on bikes and banged on cars parked in the street with metal baseball bats. Lizzy's father, Robert, watched out the window sharpening one of his various swords. It was meant to scare the little kids, then it started scaring away the delinquents as well, so he kept it out. It was pretty cool.
Then, I walked home right around nine o'clock. It was pretty damn cold too! It's way too f*cking early for the nights to be dropping to almost 29 degrees Fahrenheit. Godd*mmit! But as I walked home, I looked up to see that the moon was either full of mostly full. And obviously I wasn't the only guy who couldn't tell what phase it was because the teens were gone and all the freaks were leaking out into the dark streets and avoiding streetlights and vehicles head-lights. And they looked at me like I was the weird one. I guess that was because I had gone and howled like a wolf right in front of them just to piss them off. But then one went and said "What pack are you from?" I just shook my head and walked away, chuckling.
And today, the first of November, is the day of the Bellyache. It's Halloween's Revenge Day, and that's the best way to think about it. Halloween said "Thanks for f*cking up my holiday, so as a reward I'm f*cking up you!" And what better day than the day of rest? People will be going to church and the leaders will guilt you for participating in it, whether you were handing out candy (encouraging little kids to take candy from strangers) or collecting candy (endorsing an old Pagan holiday.) Somehow, you will be blamed for your actions the night before. How wonderful is that, right?
Well, I'm doing to have a fun day. My activities today will include 1) waking up and getting ready for the day. 2) fantasizing until lunch about people waking up with upset stomachs. 3) go out and visit my friends that went out with their little siblings Trick-or-Treating. 4) Laugh at them openly. In other words, this is going to be a good Bellyaching Day. I have the sense to stay sugar-sober instead indulging in great quantities like everyone else. I snack on the left over candy as I watch them, too. They don't even want to see another Tootsie Roll ever again, and here I am, rubbing their face into it. It's absolutely hilarious. I wish others would try it some time.
But hey, if I have my own holiday, then that's perfectly fine too. I'll enjoy it by myself, laughing at people in their pain as they wonder why I'm laughing hysterically. Join me my public, won't you? You won't be alone, don't worry.
And as I close, I think about all the sugar that has gone to waste with people who'll just end up aching and b*tching while I can use it to run marathons or something. Oh well. Good night and good luck, and May the force be with us as we laugh our asses off.
This is probably one of the only made-up holidays that I'll do a special for. And it's a fun one to do. Because, just like most of my other blogs, is a time where I can point out all the damn stupid things people did last night. In other words, this is almost no different than my usual stuff, only this is holiday themed.
A note on Halloween, first. Halloween is about trust in your neighbors as little kids go and ask them for candy while the teens go and practice Satanic spells and Pagan rituals. At least that's the way I've always perceived it. But nowadays, everybody's so f*cking paranoid about pedophiles and kidnapping serial child-rapists. So instead of little kids running around enjoying the decorations which look really awesome in the dark, they have to walk with an appointed adult in the waning daylight (in other words at 5 p.m. here in Wisconsin,) and look at half-assed decorated houses. Or they get driven around at night, which is only partly better. And parents are so worried about their children getting poisoned that Grandma Betty cant give out her award-winning Carmel popcorn balls (which were a personal favorite of mine.) Also, it's so f*cking cutey-up that it looks like the SMILE channel took a steaming sh*t on it. Not to mention the original intent of the holiday, like most others, is so exploited by marketers to sell candy and cheap plastic masks that people have forgotten what it's about: it's a harvest holiday where most cultures that celebrated it are celebrating the rising of the dead (which is what they offer half of their harvest or so to.)
Now, those teens that weren't inviting demons into their homes with wedgie boards or screaming their lungs out at Haunted Houses, were out vandalizing sh*t. I watched boys in their obvious masks take eggs and hurl them out at houses and cards. I spent the whole night at my girlfriend Lizzy's house (that's right, I got her back and Mike didn't even put up a f*cking fight that inhuman f*cktard!) and was handing out candy to children. I watched them as they came up in groups and held out their bags to me, then stared up with hopeful eyes.
And you know what? I stared right back. They learned a quick lesson when I said "Where's my Trick or Treat?" I'd hear a corus of them and I'd dish out the candy, and they'd run to the next house without so much as a "Thank-you," and the adult smiling and looking so proud at them. What the f*ck? Where the Hell are the manners?
And then, as it got dark, out trickled the teens, quickly replacing the groups of inconsiderate children. I watched those ghetto rats unloaded eggs at the houses and rocks at the vehicles. Then some came down the street on bikes and banged on cars parked in the street with metal baseball bats. Lizzy's father, Robert, watched out the window sharpening one of his various swords. It was meant to scare the little kids, then it started scaring away the delinquents as well, so he kept it out. It was pretty cool.
Then, I walked home right around nine o'clock. It was pretty damn cold too! It's way too f*cking early for the nights to be dropping to almost 29 degrees Fahrenheit. Godd*mmit! But as I walked home, I looked up to see that the moon was either full of mostly full. And obviously I wasn't the only guy who couldn't tell what phase it was because the teens were gone and all the freaks were leaking out into the dark streets and avoiding streetlights and vehicles head-lights. And they looked at me like I was the weird one. I guess that was because I had gone and howled like a wolf right in front of them just to piss them off. But then one went and said "What pack are you from?" I just shook my head and walked away, chuckling.
And today, the first of November, is the day of the Bellyache. It's Halloween's Revenge Day, and that's the best way to think about it. Halloween said "Thanks for f*cking up my holiday, so as a reward I'm f*cking up you!" And what better day than the day of rest? People will be going to church and the leaders will guilt you for participating in it, whether you were handing out candy (encouraging little kids to take candy from strangers) or collecting candy (endorsing an old Pagan holiday.) Somehow, you will be blamed for your actions the night before. How wonderful is that, right?
Well, I'm doing to have a fun day. My activities today will include 1) waking up and getting ready for the day. 2) fantasizing until lunch about people waking up with upset stomachs. 3) go out and visit my friends that went out with their little siblings Trick-or-Treating. 4) Laugh at them openly. In other words, this is going to be a good Bellyaching Day. I have the sense to stay sugar-sober instead indulging in great quantities like everyone else. I snack on the left over candy as I watch them, too. They don't even want to see another Tootsie Roll ever again, and here I am, rubbing their face into it. It's absolutely hilarious. I wish others would try it some time.
But hey, if I have my own holiday, then that's perfectly fine too. I'll enjoy it by myself, laughing at people in their pain as they wonder why I'm laughing hysterically. Join me my public, won't you? You won't be alone, don't worry.
And as I close, I think about all the sugar that has gone to waste with people who'll just end up aching and b*tching while I can use it to run marathons or something. Oh well. Good night and good luck, and May the force be with us as we laugh our asses off.
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