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  1. #1
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    Default Advice, wisdom, etc.

    Okay...I know this is gonna be a long story but I beg of you, just bear with me. I really need some advice or at the very least...some thoughts.

    I'll start with explaining who she is. Her name is Megan. I've been her best friend on and off for about 5 years. We went to school together and since we met, even though we have parted ways a couple of times, we have shared nearly every aspect of our lives with each other. It has stayed completely platonic(I'm a guy) the entire time. It's quite amazing, really. We graduated high school last year though and since then, she went to Texas and I stayed in Ohio. We texted and IM'd on a daily basis though and no, this is not a story of "my best friend is drifting away".

    Now to the meat of the problem. She broke up with her boyfriend of nearly 3 years in December. The move to Texas was too much for him to handle. A week later, she sleeps with another guy who is now her current boyfriend. This was troubling at first but she told me that it was a moment of weakness. She then comes home on christmas break, and spends some time with her ex. They break up for the "final time". She stays the night at my place a couple of times. One night, we were sharing the couch(sleeping together but not having ***), she kept going on with "Why haven't we dated?" and "It's sad, I'm the only girl in our group of friends that you haven't kissed." Things like that. I brushed it off, I think I was scared. I would never jeopardize our friendship for romantic feelings. Besides, I knew she was vulnerable at the time anyway and she just needed a friend. Not another guy trying to move in to take her ex's spot.

    She goes home and comes up with a new problem. It's important to note that she is normally not this dramatic or stressful. She gets together with her current boyfriend but simultaneously makes up with her ex(he is still in ohio, though). So she has to choose. I push her towards moving on to her current boyfriend because if her ex found out about her current then they would just argue all the time. I knew they were done, so I was trying to show her an aspect of reasoning and clarity that she hadn't seen. It worked. Eventually she broke it off completely with her ex (defriended on facebook, blocked his number, everything).

    We have our fair share of arguments, a lot more often though. Most of them are caused by her being completely irrational. I know that sounds conceited but she will randomly flip out on me and then I will respond in the same way, we're both stubborn like that. She doesn't know how to resolve a problem so she just kind of walks away and then waits for the opposing party to apologize, which I normally do for the sake of...the friendship. She's walking all over me, I know it but I just figured she was stressed out with everything that was going on. She's also double majoring in college, so...exams are hectic.

    About two weeks ago, I have a mental breakdown and try to commit suicide. I've been under my own stress lately but I kept a lot of it to myself because whenever I try to talk to her about it, she's like "Zach, why would you bring this up to me, you KNOW I'm under a lot of stress, I can't deal with your problems right now." Then we would argue. I have other people I talked to but...this is a story about Megan. Anyway, in my fit of emotions(and her telling me "You can tell me anything, Zach.", coupled with the fact that I was pretty sure I was gonna die), I tell her that I had developed romantic feelings for her. Despite that, she talks me out of suicide (along with a few other people). I get control again, and I feel better but the next morning she TEXTS me, telling me that she's "cutting and running". Meaning that we can't be friends anymore because of my emotions. She wouldn't answer her phone after that even though I tried calling her like...37 times. I only got "You're pissing my boyfriend off." in response(text). She unfriends me on facebook and blocks my IM's. She visits ohio for spring break and didn't see me, or contact me in anyway. We haven't talked since then.

    I'm not sure what to do. People say I'm better off without her. I value'd that friendship a lot and to be honest, I'm not that good at making friends so I have to make the ones I have count. It feels like I just broke up with a girlfriend, even though it was platonic. And just to note, I did tell her and MEAN it, that my feelings for her were not irrational. I wasn't in love with her, and that I was almost over it. It helps that I recently dated another woman. I was being reasonable, I thought, because I knew I could just move on. I was moving on because romantic feelings are like flowers. If left uncared for then...they die. She still said that we couldn't be friends because I had crossed a boundary emotionally.

    I don't know if I should try calling her. I can send her a message through facebook. I don't know what I'd say.

    (TL;DR Friend walked away, not sure what to do)
    "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become."

  2. #2
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    The part where you said you felt suicidal, and her respondoing that she's got her own worries would make alarm bells ring. Thinking of suicide is far more important in anyone's situation, and definitely needs seing to more rather than who she's calling her next ''boyfriend''.

    You're well rid mate. And please speak to doctor about your issues, Don't leave them there, as the problem will fester.

  3. #3
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    Well, the suicide situation went down kind of differently. I realized what I was doing and how real it was getting and in a lapse of sanity, I decided to call family and friends asking for help.

    She was one of them. Previously, we had agreed that for her spring break, she would stay at my house with her new boyfriend because he wouldn't like to share a bedroom with her brother at her family's home. Anyway, back to the phone call... I first told her the the situation that I was in. I told her I was scared and what I was thinking about doing. So when I told her that I had romantic feelings for her, I hung up the phone before she could respond(Not that she would've responded anyway). About 20 minutes later she texted me "I don't think it's necessary to tell you that we won't be staying at your house for spring break anymore." Which I realize now, is VERY selfish. With all that was going on that night, why would that even cross her mind? But she did call me back that night and talk me down from it all. She cared enough to do that.

    I wish I could just be like "Whatever, I'm better off." But...she was a good friend in the past. She's not really a good friend anymore but maybe that's just because she's going through a lot of stuff at the moment.
    "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become."

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zen View Post
    Well, the suicide situation went down kind of differently. I realized what I was doing and how real it was getting and in a lapse of sanity, I decided to call family and friends asking for help.

    She was one of them. Previously, we had agreed that for her spring break, she would stay at my house with her new boyfriend because he wouldn't like to share a bedroom with her brother at her family's home. Anyway, back to the phone call... I first told her the the situation that I was in. I told her I was scared and what I was thinking about doing. So when I told her that I had romantic feelings for her, I hung up the phone before she could respond(Not that she would've responded anyway). About 20 minutes later she texted me "I don't think it's necessary to tell you that we won't be staying at your house for spring break anymore." Which I realize now, is VERY selfish. With all that was going on that night, why would that even cross her mind? But she did call me back that night and talk me down from it all. She cared enough to do that.

    I wish I could just be like "Whatever, I'm better off." But...she was a good friend in the past. She's not really a good friend anymore but maybe that's just because she's going through a lot of stuff at the moment.

    Why do you keep giving her excuses? she doesn't deserve any and the sooner you realise that the better for you....
    In any relationship be it platonic or romantic you need to have mutual respect for each other's feelings........... do you seriously believe that she shows you any respect?
    As hard as it sometimes seems, to make new friends, you just need to get out there and try and make some ...leave her as part of your past....where she belongs..........
    It's no good to dwell on something that might have been .... think of the future and good luck.....

    ,

  5. #5
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    I sent her a message through facebook saying something along the lines of "If you want to be friends again then that's great, but I'll need to see some effort because I'm tired of getting burned by you." (The actual was a lot longer...just summarizing here.) She hasn't responded, I'm not even sure if she got the message. If I had to guess our time apart has only strengthened her dislike for me. The time she spent visiting her family definitely didn't help my case, nor the fact that her boyfriend would definitely not tolerate me around.

    It's okay though. I miss her terribly but...I'm also at the mindset of "If some one is willing to walk away from you though, is it worth trying to stop them?". Even if we were friends again, everytime we got into an argument, I know that it'd just be opening up old wounds. So maybe it's time to move on. Hopefully.
    "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become."

  6. #6
    I talk too much!
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    if youre having suicidal thoughts, you could check the following thread
    http://www.chat-avenue.com/forums/sh...-hotlines-info!

    [IMG]http://25.media.******.com/******_m5gsch6jwq1rvm3nho1_500.gif[/IMG]




    20/11/08


  7. #7
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    Suicide, while tempting sometimes, is a route I visited once and don't plan on returning to anytime soon.
    Abandoning the people that I love is exactly the kind of behavior that got me into this situation in the first place.
    Does more harm than good.

    I'll keep that in mind though.
    "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become."

 

 

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