Marital Advice: How do I handle my wife's same *** affair

[Esquire]

Not sure if I am in the right place, but I don't know where else to turn. I recently discovered that my wife of eight years has been having at least an emotional affair with one of her female co-workers. She admitted to me that they had kissed but claims nothing more of a physical nature happened. She also stated, however, that she had formed a very close emotional bond with this woman. The other woman is also married.

After confronting her with this situation, she informed me that she had been more drawn to females, emotionally, since she was a kid and forms very emotional ties to them, though she is not really interested sexually. I have always known that she is very close with her female friends, but there has never been this element of deception involved before. She had been secretly exchanging emails with her co-worker. The co-workers emails were romantically inclined, referencing how she wanted to have a life with my wife and wanted to be by her side, have children with her, smell her hair, touch her skin, those sorts of things. My wife's responses did not dismiss these suggestions, but also did not seem to reciprocate them. Now my wife says she is going to get a therapist and work this out. She says she loves me and does not want to break up our family. She says she needs time, and I have been smothering her with questions, which is proving to be more destructive than productive.

For now I am trying to give her some space and go through the routine of life. It is obviously tearing me up inside. Does anyone out there have any thoughts, insight, similar experiences to share? Is there hope for my marriage (we have two wonderful children)? I want to work this out, but I also don't want my wife to be living a lie if she cannot be emotionally and intimately there for me in a genuine way. Thanks in advance for any advice.

[*Miss Jenn]

sometimes.. a woman feels the ability to ..emotionally attatch herself better to women, then to men. basically your wife is having an emotional affair, and not a psychal one..and the same shex aspect isnt really that important.. no offense... so this isnt really the right thread to be asking this in. but either way....
Stop with all the questions.. im sure she is very confused..and right now.. just needs u 2 know she loves you and your children, im sure you have questions..and she will answer them in due time. but for right now.. dont ask so many questions.
maybe therapy could help!? and is she isnt comfortable going by herself, suggests couples!? becazz this is something thats affected you both..

[*Miss Jenn]

its cazz im good like that!

[Esquire]

Thanks to you both for your thoughts. This is not something that I can really talk about with any close personal friends or family and I needed someplace to vent some of my feelings. I just had a few other thoughts. What do I do about the other female? Clearly, this other woman wanted more with my wife based upon what she was putting in those emails. My wife clearly values this woman's friendship, but I don't know if I can deal with her continuing a relationship with her, knowing what I know. My wife has told me that the emails her friend wrote were more fantasies than any sort of reality and promises me that there is nothing really that serious going on. She says that she values this woman's friendship and as she is the only one that really understands a "pull" she has had toward women since she was young. Am I naive in believing that my wife and the other woman can be just friends? Am I being foolish in thinking that this could just be a harmless but close platonic relationship?

Also, if my wife is more drawn to women, even if only emotionally, is it possible for her to have a fully committed relationship with me as a straight man? I am a pretty romantic type and its really not just about *** for me. In fact, I find it more difficult that she has been having an intimate emotional affair than a physical one. I agree that it really does not matter whether it was a man or a woman.

Finally, I have been trying to hug her, kiss her and show her a tremendous amount of affection, but she views this as an intrusion right now as well and says I am smothering her. I then get upset because, I cannot understand why she is not relieved that things are out in the open and we are finally talking on an intimate level. I feel like I am being incredibly open and understanding about her situation and trying to let her know that after my initial reaction of shock, I am willing to work on this. When we have these close and incredibly open conversations (lots of tears from us both), I feel drawn to her and want to comfort her and let her know I will be supportive. She does not seem to want that display of affection, she only wants the space. This makes me feel like she just does not have a natural draw to me any longer. Is it possible that this will come back, because we have had it before? Should I remain hopeful or instead attempt to move on emotionally and attempt to support her in the best way possible without foolish dreams of getting back what we once had? I know that every situation is different, and you know nothing about me, but every day we just pass in the house and give each other a kiss on the cheek, I find myself craving more. It has only been about a week, but how long do I wait before I detach myself from my emotions and attempt to move on. It is too painful to go on indefinitely with no end in sight.

[Esquire]

Thanks for the perspective. It does help, especially coming from someone who may have more of an understanding of what she may be going through. Thanks for taking the time to respond to a total stranger.

[***ME***]

shoot her.

[TA-TM-PKMN-CrazedFan]

Originally Posted by Esquire

Not sure if I am in the right place, but I don't know where else to turn. I recently discovered that my wife of eight years has been having at least an emotional affair with one of her female co-workers. She admitted to me that they had kissed but claims nothing more of a physical nature happened. She also stated, however, that she had formed a very close emotional bond with this woman. The other woman is also married.

After confronting her with this situation, she informed me that she had been more drawn to females, emotionally, since she was a kid and forms very emotional ties to them, though she is not really interested sexually. I have always known that she is very close with her female friends, but there has never been this element of deception involved before. She had been secretly exchanging emails with her co-worker. The co-workers emails were romantically inclined, referencing how she wanted to have a life with my wife and wanted to be by her side, have children with her, smell her hair, touch her skin, those sorts of things. My wife's responses did not dismiss these suggestions, but also did not seem to reciprocate them. Now my wife says she is going to get a therapist and work this out. She says she loves me and does not want to break up our family. She says she needs time, and I have been smothering her with questions, which is proving to be more destructive than productive.

For now I am trying to give her some space and go through the routine of life. It is obviously tearing me up inside. Does anyone out there have any thoughts, insight, similar experiences to share? Is there hope for my marriage (we have two wonderful children)? I want to work this out, but I also don't want my wife to be living a lie if she cannot be emotionally and intimately there for me in a genuine way. Thanks in advance for any advice.

As usual help from the mods failed harder than a DVD Rewinder. If in that one email she didn't reject the advances the co-worker was making on her, [by dismiss I'd say "that's nice but I have a husband and 2 wonderful children" etc,] then yeah I'd say best time to move on. If you want a basic answer I'd say curbstomp the bitch[winrar] lol but that's a situation that will lead to many forumers getting butthurt and then TL;DR posts. so basically yeah, just stick with her for a while until you figure out what's up, but expect the unexpected.]