Ah.. A little teenage love? or a obsession?

[έχτίήčŦĩőŋ™]

For those who Do not know me, I'm Ronnie.
*waves*

But back to the reason why i posted this thread...


Ahh, A long story egh??
Well, To begin with i was 14 scared confused, alone.
I didnt know what these feelings where i was feeling towards the same ***.. I was l scared... scared of what my grandmother and family would think of me..

Ahh, But yet im going to fast forward..
So my grandma decided she wanted to go to the cosmetology school to get her hair done this time, and that's when i seen Erik, He was sooo gorgeous I mean he had light brown hair and the most beautiful hazel eyes you have ever seen in your life.
Well, i didnt go up and talk to him seeing as i was just 14 but i did look him up on myspace and added him.
i emailed him and blah blah blah.
Finaly he agreed to meet me..
(after 2 weeks i might add )
We met!
But i needed help and he saw that in my eyes.
so he talked to me and then i spilled every last feeling i had bottled up inside of me.
He helped me, talked to me he was my mentor you could say..he taught me what it was like to be gay and that if my family loved me enough that they would accept me and stuff.

But i noticed i started hanging around him alot more and i earned the nickname "Eriks stalker" lol erik loved it though but anyways 1 year and 10 months has passed and i felt myself getting closer and wanting, or rather craving his attention.
He molded me into the guy i am today but i fell inlove with him...
and he didnt realise that till he felt it too seen the way i looked at him the way i would watch his facial expressions.
The way i would call him at work and ask if he needed anything, or if he was hungry, mom adopted him into our family took him in as a son... she seen the way i changed since i met him.
god, what a mistake, i made.
one night it snowed like all holy hell.
and i was at work with him.and i was waitinig for him to get off of work.. so i could walk home with him... but... he had a ride.. but didnt want me to walk home... so he declined the ride and decided to walk home with me.. Thats the night he told me he looked into my eyes and told me he loved me. and when he leaned over to kiss me, i felt this shock go though my body.. Then i knew i was connected with him somehow...
months go by we become a couple...I wanted him to have my virginity and he knew that but he wanted to wait...
well i get this call one night and he tells me that he is coming over.
So i rush and take a shower and clean up a little in my room.
he knocks on my door and he looked AMAZING but i noticed something in his eyes, Was it hurt or pain for what he was about to do?? well he said he was ready and me being the teenager i was, was excited...
after it was all done and said he held me till the morning... and then he said he has to tell me something...
he was like "Mogoyasa Roni You know i love you right?" I replied yes i do and he looked pained...
"I'm leaving to florida in 3 days. There is nothing in safford for me i got myself into the biggest ****hole and now i cant get out. unless i leave." then my heart broke and went into atom sized pieces, i sobbed and sobbed. i begged him not to leave.
and yet he left...
My heart was never the same again...
I was really close to getting put away.. Mom put me in the Hospital because i would not eat it was like i was a zombie..
they fed me though IV's and stuff..

i got better but yet i didnt...
I came up with an idea that death would be better off for me..
(blah blah blah emo Ronnie)
None of which succeded
apparently..

anyways, I still hurt for him.
Like the very day he left.
I sometimes have dreams of the day he comes back..
My relationships never workout because i run off when they say they love me..
i wish i could forget him. I tried cutting him out of my life. i blocked him on myspace. Blocked him from calling me. told me to stop writing me letters.. i burned the stuff he gave to me..
it helped for like a week and then it hit me again like a ton of bricks.
and i lasted a month of not speaking to him.. and i realized that i could not stop thinking about him..
i still feel the connection with him...
some say its because he molded me into the way i am today
the insecure, emotional boy who longs to have his first love back.
I cannot forget what has been written in my heart he has my soul and my heart.

oh lord... that alot to type.



and im 19 now. aint that pathetic?

[PhillyStorm]

You can block him from myspace, block him from calling you, threaten him not to write you emails, etc, but if you really loved him and felt a connection with him, then you will not be able to block him as easily from your heart. Your love and feelings are powerful, but your heart bares the pain or joy of those feelings. Give it time, you will soon move on, but mayb you just need more time to tell your heart that there is no hope and that there is no more love to give. I am sure someone else will come along, you just need to give it time.

[Luka]

The first cut is always the deepest, I'm sure you know. But you never know just how deep it is until it happens to you.
As time progresses, your pain will heal, and then you'll be able to move on completely. It's hard and will take time, you just have to want to move on; it may feel like you can't, it's not.. you just won't.

Obviously, he didn't love you. I mean, if he did love you, then the place you live in wouldn't be such a 'shithole' because he'd have you.
Don't feel bad about wanting to move on, feel glad that you're not restricted by waiting for his return- he made up his mind to leave. Now it's your turn to make up your mind whether to move on or not, although I'd advise you to.

Originally Posted by PhillyStorm

but if you really loved him and felta connection with him, then you will not be able to block him as easily from your heart.

Oh you can. Believe me, you can. If people can be heartless and profess their love, then fuck off the next day or two, then you can. What's love, but a second hand emotion, especially when it comes to people like his ex boyfriend?

Yes I'm being nice. Good deed of the day done.

[*Miss Jenn]

Originally Posted by Just Because

What's love, but a second hand emotion,

1st Off...Luka..LOVE the use of Tina Turner there!! KUDOS!!

Secondly, First loves are always hardest to get over. But you can get over them. and i cant believe he took your virginity and then told you he was leaving!! - thats COLD. I mean, lest he could of done was told you b4 hand. Seriously,Ronnie. talk 2 him.. get some closure..and move on.

[Luka]

It's funny, I never realised I was quoting her, when I first posted this, after I re-read it, I did.

And call me Prudence, it's my name, my love.

[έχτίήčŦĩőŋ™]

Originally Posted by PhillyStorm™

You can block him from myspace, block him from calling you, threaten him not to write you emails, etc, but if you really loved him and felta connection with him, then you will not be able to block him as easily from your heart. Your love and feelings are powerful, but your heart bares the pain or joy of those feelings. Give it time, you will soon move on, but mayb you just need more time to tell your heart that there is no hope and that there is no more love to give. I am sure someone else will come along, you just need to give it time.

Yet it's been a two and a half years.. I Did have several Boyfriends in the past and i currently have a boyfriend now.. I still talk to him, i just like trying to let go slowly. But it's hard when he gets drunk and then calls me and tells me how much he loves me and that when he gets out of school that he will Come down for me. It's that **** that gets me down he is like a poison. A poison that kills slowly. But i have Been thinking about just letting him go.

I even know what im going to tell him too. I will say this to him...

"Erik, it has been 2 years and yet My heart still calls for you. But i'm tired of hurting and because im hurting i hurt the one's that love me. Im constantly pushing them away because i think one day there will be a miracle, and you would show up on my doorstep with that smile i oh so love. But i need to realise that your not good for me anymore and i need to cut you out once and for all.. Dont get me wrong you will always be in my heart but i think i need to move on and meet and see new people."

Originally Posted by Just Because

The first cut is always the deepest, I'm sure you know. But you never know just how deep it is until it happens to you.
As time progresses, your pain will heal, and then you'll be able to move on completely. It's hard and will take time, you just have to want to move on; it may feel like you can't, it's not.. you just won't.

Obviously, he didn't love you. I mean, if he did love you, then the place you live in wouldn't be such a 'shithole' because he'd have you.
Don't feel bad about wanting to move on, feel glad that you're not restricted by waiting for his return- he made up his mind to leave. Now it's your turn to make up your mind whether to move on or not, although I'd advise you to.


Oh you can. Believe me, you can. If people can be heartless and profess their love, then fuck off the next day or two, then you can. What's love, but a second hand emotion, especially when it comes to people like his ex boyfriend?

Yes I'm being nice. Good deed of the day done.

Awww! but yet we didnt **** right at first... it was at the end of our relationship that he took something special and sealed the bargin with me... To me *** is something special and it's only to the person you really care about..

Originally Posted by *Miss Jenn

1st Off...Luka..LOVE the use of Tina Turner there!! KUDOS!!

Secondly, First loves are always hardest to get over. But you can get over them. and i cant believe he took your virginity and then told you he was leaving!! - thats COLD. I mean, lest he could of done was told you b4 hand. Seriously,Ronnie. talk 2 him.. get some closure..and move on.

Im trying to move on! but maybe jenn You can help me with that? Do you wanna marry me? just playing. But still, I will call him tonight when i get off of work.

[Luka]

I see you didn't read my post.
I wasn't talking about sex, I was talking about love.

Next time a thread like this is made, I won't bother.

[έχτίήčŦĩőŋ™]

Originally Posted by Just Because

I see you didn't read my post.
I wasn't talking about sex, I was talking about love.

Next time a thread like this is made, I won't bother.

\


I did Read your Post. every single word!

[*Miss Jenn]

Originally Posted by Just Because

It's funny, I never realised I was quoting her, when I first posted this, after I re-read it, I did.

And call me Prudence, it's my name, my love.

Its Okay..Tina's awesome. and thats a good song!
Prudence it is

[PhillyStorm]

Originally Posted by Just Because

Oh you can. Believe me, you can. If people can be heartless and profess their love, then fuck off the next day or two, then you can. What's love, but a second hand emotion, especially when it comes to people like his ex boyfriend?

Yes I'm being nice. Good deed of the day done.

You, being nice? We are all going down.

And I get what you are saying, but there are some that do not find it to be that easy.

Originally Posted by έχτίήčŦĩőŋ™

\


I did Read your Post. every single word!

Then you did not read carefully.