The correct pace to pursue an online relationship?

~LS~ · 03-29-2009, 12:43 AM

Ok, so your chatting online and there’s this girl there, you laugh, you flirt and hey presto your interested. Problem is she’s on the other side of the world. So you decide to “date” well, as much as you can online. The question I put forward is how fast or slow should things proceed? In “the real world” you have to opportunity to hang out, to be with each other in different situations, to see reactions and behaviours etc. But on the net you don’t have that luxury; in order to meet you have to fork out a small fortune just to be able to shake their hand. Short of the “L word” is it better to push the relationship faster so the decision to meet can be made earlier and with some certainty of a possibility of a relationship, or should it be taken as slow as one might in “the real world” and end up not meeting till much later and risking that when you meet in person it doesn’t feel right (but you’ve just spent all this time waiting around to find this out). Any thoughts or experiences on the matter?

**Red Venus Moon** · 03-29-2009, 01:47 AM

Honestly, if you are NOT going to be meeting soon (as in the next 6 months in a crowded public place where your family and all your friend know you are going to be) DON'T DATE ONLINE!!!

I've seen too many people on here get hurt and used for "online" dating! There is too many con guys in this world...and if that is your pic, you look very pretty...go out into the real world and meet you a great guy!

~LS~ · 03-29-2009, 02:11 AM

haha thanks, wrong end of the stick tho, i was rather hoping id meet a nice girl

ty for your thoughts, funny thing is I actually met my last partner online and spent a wonderful 4 years with her (unfortunatly i was too young and changed too much overthose years) so i am not completely unfamiliar with the dangers of online dating. I actually didnt start talking to this girl looking for anything but friendship but u know how these things go :P . I'm currently living in an area where theres no friendly faces and not many people with the same interests as myself, so trust me i would normally be out in the real world. What im more interested in knowing is it completely unacceptable to move through some of the stages of a relationship a little quicker than normal considering all i mentioned in the first post. but thanks, good start to figuring this out

(and yes that is actually a photo of me :P just in case anyone was wondering).

**Red Venus Moon** · 03-29-2009, 02:13 AM

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you are gay

sorries.. i thought ...

.. anyways...if it had been posted in gay forums I would of understood...ooppss

~LS~ · 03-29-2009, 02:17 AM

haha its all good, its not a gay specific issue and i wasnt looking for specifically gay responses otherwise i would have posted it in gay forum. So bring on the thoughts and advice

Nikko · 03-29-2009, 02:59 AM

Well my partner and I met in chat ave.. took 8 months before we met in real life.. hes in the UK and I'm in aus. Hopefully(visa approval waiting) he will be moving here at the end of this year...4 1/2 yrs after we first got together. I'm kinda of glad we have taken our time, its been hard yes but makes you realise that its worth waiting for.

I think if you rush things too quickly, it will burn out fast(real life or online)

~LS~ · 03-29-2009, 03:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nikko

Well my partner and I met in chat ave.. took 8 months before we met in real life.. hes in the UK and I'm in aus. Hopefully(visa approval waiting) he will be moving here at the end of this year...4 1/2 yrs after we first got together. I'm kinda of glad we have taken our time, its been hard yes but makes you realise that its worth waiting for.

I think if you rush things too quickly, it will burn out fast(real life or online)

Thank you very much nikko for sharing. I can understand where your comming from, it makes perfect sense. If u dont mind my asking how long were you chatting just casually before you made something more romantic out of it? Its the first few steps confusing me atm, I can get my head around the having to wait, but its the process you go through before you meet.

Nikko · 03-29-2009, 03:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~LS~

Thank you very much nikko for sharing. I can understand where your comming from, it makes perfect sense. If u dont mind my asking how long were you chatting just casually before you made something more romantic out of it? Its the first few steps confusing me atm, I can get my head around the having to wait, but its the process you go through before you meet.

it was about 4 months after i first started chatting to him to when we actually got together i think and another 3 months after that before we decided to meet up, then we had to wait another 5 months before we met up .. seems like forever ago now

Ki Ki · 03-29-2009, 04:27 AM

hey guys, well i have online dated twice and it can be confusing, i once dated on line for six months with someone and it brings up so many issue like distance for example..... yes he was on the other side of the world and no we had no intentions of meeting up anytime soon and not just for the fact it would cost so much but we had hoped it would last along time and felt no need to rush things.
Faithfulness..... are we faithful in real life, are we faithful online, something only the two of us know and had to trust in each other.
where we both who we said we where... yes we both grew with each other confiding in each other and enjoying the freedom of expression that an online relationship can bring.
In the long run i guess we new each other better then most couples do. It was a wonderful time. Thats cherished most dearly.xxx
The second one was with a sweet and honest men whom i met in real life after only knowing him a short time.
We had so much in common and spent a get few days together but as much as i cared for this lovely man i talked to online when it came to real life i realised he was more dear to me as a friend. I wouldnt change a thing. mmwwaahh my sweet friend. xxx
So do you take ur time or do u rush ? i have done both and theres no right or wrong answer. A relationship in real life or online should just form and blossom and flow. Trust in your self and your partner just let it happen.
Let it take its course dont look for an answer create one yourself by going with whats in your heart cus in the long run thats what counts and trust me if you dont listern wisely to it you may just might miss out on something wonderful.
Real love isnt so complicated. Just let it flow what ever the reason or speed.
i wish you and your girl the best hun !
If you love someone its simple ............ you just love them. take care xxxx

**Laurenn** · 03-29-2009, 06:44 AM

I've been in this situation time and time again and the best thing I've come to see is to wait. So you don't get to touch yourself over a moving picture of them.. Spill your guts to 'em, confess complete and utter devotion, etc.. Who cares? If you wait it'll a)- make it more special b)- mean you didn't make a "mistake" c)- mean you can still be friends because you never did the "deed" and d)- you can learn what each other likes, how they like it, if you like it, etc [not just about sex].