lol my pathetic poem thing...meh

[Music_Is_Life]

I'm still working on this...I was kinda thinking of a friend and a few things that are going on and it came to mind...also trying to write a guitar part to it so meh...like it or not -

Pre Chorus
I can't believe this is happening
I can't believe I was so blind to see
I can't believe this is happening
I can't believe that you'll never see

Chorus
Cause, all my dreams are nightmares
I wish this was a dream
Cause all my dreams are nightmares
I'm coming apart at the seam

Verse 1
All the nights we spent
Talking and loving each other
I'd smile never thinking of the day
That you'd give up...throwing it all away

Chorus
Cause all my dreams are nightmares
I wish this was a dream
Cause all my dreams are nightmares
I'm coming apart at the seam

Verse 2
So tear my heart right open
Go ahead, die, lose your dreams
So tear my heart right open
You never cared as it seems

Bridge
As all things come to a close
I realize how much we sinned
But since all my dreams are nightmares
This whole thing...it fits right in

Chorus 1
""
Verse 3
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
I'm sorry I held you dear
I'm sorry that I can't stop loving you
I'm sorry that I feel

Close
The ones we held so close
The ones that held us together
Those are the ones we lose
The ones that were supposed to last forever

[landdownunder]

i like it
Good job

[Music_Is_Life]

thanks ^^

(Yeah this has to be 10 characters long to post so thats why I put this )

[Fearless™]

hmm...it's more of a song than a poem << but I didn't really like it all that much..

[Music_Is_Life]

Originally Posted by Fearless_Virgin

hmm...it's more of a song than a poem << but I didn't really like it all that much..

lol song poem whatever - but thats cool some will like it some will hate it

[Kiari]

Amy music is poetry <3!

But keep it as a song, and a slow one at that. I play guitar too, and write my own music, and I know if you have the tempo too fast for lyrics like that it'd sound really sucky. Don't make it a poem because it isn't poetry material.

Very nice lyrics though.

[Mystic]

i am moving this thread to the music forum ...
because as fearless stated its more of a song than a poem ...

[SatansLittleHelper]

Originally Posted by Fearless_Virgin

hmm...it's more of a song than a poem << but I didn't really like it all that much..

i agree with Fearless........

[Music_Is_Life]

Originally Posted by SatansLittleHelper

i agree with Fearless........

Yeah well to be honest I wrote it just out of how I was feeling kinda...so I mean its not a professoinal type of things...really no excuse for it lol but yeah...once again some people will like it - some people don't

[That Kid with the Hair]

Yep...pretty pathetic. That was a cliche piece of teenage "poetry". Throw in some words about heartbreak and life and love, not to mention the same old metaphors constantly heard in other relationship angst songs.

Plus a very boring rhyme scheme with lots of repeated lines (not just for the chorus)...but other than that it was mediocre at best.