Help!

[DebsMorrin]

I'm sorry if i say anything that seems messed up but i'm just saying it as it is in my head. I made a few hard choices almost two years ago. please note i do not regret those choices. The decisions i made caused me to walk away from my family. I haven't had contact with my parents in two years and for the most part it is a blessing. Since leaving the Family Home i have found a house of my own with my partner of 4 years and we have a beautiful 5 month old daughter. I am very happy with my own little family.
There was anger and bad blood when i left home. i was always, should i say "detached" from my parents all my life so leaving them wasn't exactly difficult (I'm sorry if i seem like a real b**** but i'm not). My parents had no contact with me up until my daughter was 4 months old. They asked to see her and i said no. They weren't interested in her or me when i was pregnant or when she was born. They only seem interested when it suits them. They almost had their chance when she was about 4 weeks old when i saw them at the local shopping centre. I smiled at them and they saw me with the pram but just walked passed me and acted as if i wasn't there.

I'm at war with myself wondering if saying that they couldn't see their granddaughter was right or wrong. Can anyone offer their opinion? i'd appreciate it
Thank you
x

Originally Posted by DebsMorrin

I'm at war with myself wondering if saying that they couldn't see their granddaughter was right or wrong.

I know how you feel because it's the same with my family; my sister wont let us see the baby.
Anyways, Yes you're in the wrong. You can't use your daughter as a weapon. It's not fair on your parents, let alone your child. As of now, the law states that grandparents have a right to see their grandchildren. They can go to court for it too, which you'd have to attend.
Just think of how your child is going to be growing up and she has never met your parents. That's not fair on the child. You can't let your child suffer because of the arguments/fallings out/relationship with your parents.
Try aranging a day or two for your parents to see your child. Maybe even a weekend, idk. But at least give your child the chance to know your parents and vice versa.
=]

[-+AĩŔ ĢũĩŧåЯ+-]

i can relate to that kinda.. my relationship with my parents and pretty much my whole family is far from perfect, i can imagine how difficult the situation must be, but i think you're right to stand your ground and not let them see her, wait until you're comfortable with allowing them to see her, if that never happens then fine, id advise talking about it with your partner if you havent already, come up with a solution that suits you both and is in the best interests for your daughter, thats what matters

[DebsMorrin]

sorry, at what point did i say or imply i was using my daughter as a weapon? im curious

Originally Posted by DebsMorrin

sorry, at what point did i say or imply i was using my daughter as a weapon? im curious

You're using her as a weapon by not letting your parents see her.

Originally Posted by DebsMorrin

I'm at war with myself wondering if saying that they couldn't see their granddaughter was right or wrong.

That's what you said. So basically you're not curious in deciding, you already have. That's why I said you basically are using her as a weapon.

[DebsMorrin]

i can relate to that kinda.. my relationship with my parents and pretty much my whole family is far from perfect, i can imagine how difficult the situation must be, but i think you're right to stand your ground and not let them see her, wait until you're comfortable with allowing them to see her, if that never happens then fine, id advise talking about it with your partner if you havent already, come up with a solution that suits you both and is in the best interests for your daughter, thats what matters


Thank you, but i'm afraid talking with my parents is going to prove difficult as my mother is a raging alcholic with some kind of undiagnosed mental illness. She made my teenage years hell but always finds a way to make me and my other siblings out the be the bad ones and her the victim.
how could i approach this subject with her?

[DebsMorrin]

Originally Posted by Karma Chameleon

You're using her as a weapon by not letting your parents see her.



That's what you said. So basically you're not curious in deciding, you already have. That's why I said you basically are using her as a weapon.

What words did i say? in which of my sentences did i say "weapon?"

Originally Posted by DebsMorrin

What words did i say? in which of my sentences did i say "weapon?"

You're twisting. I didn't say you said ''weapon''. You basically are by not letting your parents see her. You're using her as a weapon for your own good. To get back at your parents. Sheesh you fucking ask for advice, you get it, and you don't understand.

[MooGooGaiPan]

Originally Posted by DebsMorrin

I'm sorry if i say anything that seems messed up but i'm just saying it as it is in my head. I made a few hard choices almost two years ago. please note i do not regret those choices. The decisions i made caused me to walk away from my family. I haven't had contact with my parents in two years and for the most part it is a blessing. Since leaving the Family Home i have found a house of my own with my partner of 4 years and we have a beautiful 5 month old daughter. I am very happy with my own little family.
There was anger and bad blood when i left home. i was always, should i say "detached" from my parents all my life so leaving them wasn't exactly difficult (I'm sorry if i seem like a real b**** but i'm not). My parents had no contact with me up until my daughter was 4 months old. They asked to see her and i said no. They weren't interested in her or me when i was pregnant or when she was born. They only seem interested when it suits them. They almost had their chance when she was about 4 weeks old when i saw them at the local shopping centre. I smiled at them and they saw me with the pram but just walked passed me and acted as if i wasn't there.

I'm at war with myself wondering if saying that they couldn't see their granddaughter was right or wrong. Can anyone offer their opinion? i'd appreciate it
Thank you
x

Your parents won't be around forever. Some day they will be gone, and it will be too late for you or them to do anything. Someone has to make the first move...........

[DebsMorrin]

Originally Posted by MooGooGaiPan

Your parents won't be around forever. Some day they will be gone, and it will be too late for you or them to do anything. Someone has to make the first move...........

So many people have said the same thing. I suppose i am as stubborn as my mother is. But, if i was to make some kind of amends with my parents i want it to be because they want to and not just because i have their grandchild. I'm sorry if that seems selfish but even though a big part of me hates them, especially my mother, i would die to hear them tell me they love me and are proud of me.
My biggest problem about bringing them into my daughters life is that my mother is an alcholic. My last 4 years of living at home was complete hell. She told me and my siblings on many occasions that we were mistakes. She and the rest of my family also despise my partner and will never accept us as a couple. i know for a fact no amount of persuasion will change their opinion. I don't want my daughter to see my mother slowly kill herself or to go through the same mental anguish i had to grow up with. that is one of the main reasons i left home. My mother won't give up the booze because she claims that there is no problem but, come on, does anyone really think that 10 bottles of wine a night is just someone "enjoying a drink?"