Lonely Without You.

FisheH · 07-04-2006, 03:55 PM

Lonely Without You - Poem.

I met you, you were the girl for me.
The thing is this i need you, i want you ....
****ing hell i just remembered you got him..
And he's got you, **** this **** i miss you..
You're in my mind, my heart my ever thought my every move.
When i lay awake in my bed i think of you, i imagine you in my arms.
I think of you when i do my best not to think, i can't help it 'cause..
I'm lonely without you..
I wish i was there with you, you're my one and only.
I've got nothing to lose except your love and my hate.
He loves you too, maybe more than me, but i love you as long as i live.
Without you i can't breathe, you're my heart-beat my life my energy..
I do my best not to spoil or friendship but it's hard 'cause..
I'm lonely without you..
I'm excited to meet you, but yet afraid to destroy your fragile heart..
You've got all my love in your hand, be carefull not to break it..
When your love for me is over, my love for life is dead..
Death is no option for you, love me or destroy me..
I have a million reasons not to love you..
But i just can't help myself 'cause..
I'm lonely without you..

Mystic · 07-04-2006, 07:32 PM

the beginning was a bit off but once you settled into the poem and let the emotions go the poem turned out not so bad ...

Steph · 07-04-2006, 08:59 PM

i liked it...cuz u let out ur emotions out...and thats the kind of poems i like...good job!

the girl · 07-05-2006, 01:52 AM

good poem

Unknown Entity · 07-05-2006, 04:20 PM

Fearless virgin, your poems are nothing special, just typical teenage poems.

That poem however, is something different, you seriously need to stop commenting on other people's work when your own is like every other crap teenage poem.

Unknown Entity · 07-05-2006, 05:23 PM

Why do you post them on a public forum and then tell us it's good, are we not allowed to form our own opinion?

You like giving other people's work bad comments 1) To make you seem like you know what you're talking about and 2) To make your work seem better.

It's not a competition, if you want to add some constructive criticism about other people's stuff it's fine, but you just go about telling everyone it's crap, do you even read it?

I think you need to quit while you're ahead before some of us start pointing and laughing at your stuff, and believe me, we have reason to.

Mystic · 07-05-2006, 07:37 PM

fearless and duddy if you don't take your fight to pm i WILL delete your posts in this thread ...

fearless you gave your opinion just as others gave theirs and just because you didn't feel any emotion doesn't mean that others didn't ...
everyone that reads anything will always decipher it differently ...

FisheH · 07-06-2006, 01:47 PM

I guess my poem sucked,
Oh well it was my first time writing a poem..

Thanks for all the good comments so far.

Mystic · 07-06-2006, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FisheH

I guess my poem sucked,
Oh well it was my first time writing a poem..

Thanks for all the good comments so far.

actually it didnt suck at all ...
u just need to adjust some wording at the beginning and the rest was fine ...
don't give up because of some neagative posts ...
for a first poem it was good ...

AMBER!! · 07-06-2006, 08:24 PM

Niceeee