new stepmother

[Bubs]

Yes, I am new to this chat. I am stepmom to a 16 going on 11 year old. I do not have children of my own and never wanted them. I knew my husband had children living with their mother in a different country and he had not seen them in years. The mother kicked this boy to the curb when he turned 16. We did the responsible thing and flew him over to the states to live with us. He lies, is lazy ( we live in the country and have a lot of responsibilities ) he takes no initiative to help with anything. I tried talking to him many times and of courese he acted like he was taking it all in. I have had to raise my voice to him, ground him and stayed on him while he did his chores just to make sure they got done. I feel like i am talking to a brick wall, nothing gets throught to him and I refuse to just let him rip and run as he pleases, he has been doing that all of his life. I do not know how to be a mother and would sign up for a class if there was one. I need advice!

[landdownunder]

You can't be his mum
he won't listen to you
let his dad do the discipling thing and just try being friends with him.
He probably misses his home and his friends.

As far as being lazy and lying
try encouragement and if that dosen't work tell him you won't do anything for him until he starts pulling his weight.

Take a belt to his ass.

[slee0304]

Originally Posted by Bubs

Yes, I am new to this chat. I am stepmom to a 16 going on 11 year old. I do not have children of my own and never wanted them. I knew my husband had children living with their mother in a different country and he had not seen them in years. The mother kicked this boy to the curb when he turned 16. We did the responsible thing and flew him over to the states to live with us. He lies, is lazy ( we live in the country and have a lot of responsibilities ) he takes no initiative to help with anything. I tried talking to him many times and of courese he acted like he was taking it all in. I have had to raise my voice to him, ground him and stayed on him while he did his chores just to make sure they got done. I feel like i am talking to a brick wall, nothing gets throught to him and I refuse to just let him rip and run as he pleases, he has been doing that all of his life. I do not know how to be a mother and would sign up for a class if there was one. I need advice!

Boy, has the world fallen on you. I have 2 stepdaughters that we 11 and 6 when I married their father. They are 24 and 30 now. What you are dealing with is the last 16 years of his mother not making him walk the line. Try sitting down with him and explaining you are not the emeny. However, you are not a push over. As a member of the family he has certain responsibilities. The sooner he plays the game the sooner he will have more of a say in how he is treated. Does he want to be treated as a child or the young man he is. Set up a list of chores, times they are to be done and how they are to be completed. If he does not do them as stated then take something away. Maybe no computer, phone or something that will hurt if he does not have. Cause and effect always works. Yelling only makes things worse. He either plays the game your way or he doe not have ANY way of doing his own thing. His father needs to be on board with this as well. Good Luck

[SUNNIE]

Originally Posted by Toenail.

Take a belt to his ass.

What she said.

He talks back, ignore him.
Don't retaliate. And take away somthing. And I don't mean playsation for a week, I mean take it away permently.

[SatansLittleHelper]

Originally Posted by Bubs

Yes, I am new to this chat. I am stepmom to a 16 going on 11 year old. I do not have children of my own and never wanted them. I knew my husband had children living with their mother in a different country and he had not seen them in years. The mother kicked this boy to the curb when he turned 16. We did the responsible thing and flew him over to the states to live with us. He lies, is lazy ( we live in the country and have a lot of responsibilities ) he takes no initiative to help with anything. I tried talking to him many times and of courese he acted like he was taking it all in. I have had to raise my voice to him, ground him and stayed on him while he did his chores just to make sure they got done. I feel like i am talking to a brick wall, nothing gets throught to him and I refuse to just let him rip and run as he pleases, he has been doing that all of his life. I do not know how to be a mother and would sign up for a class if there was one. I need advice!

Im not a mother myself.....but this kid to me seems like hes kind of had it hard...escially since his mother kicked him to the curb. There's probably a lot going on inside his head right now....and now being in a new country in a new home with a new mom.........hes probably in shock. You need to take it slow with him. Dont "jump his ass" for everything he does or does not do. He needs to settle in and get comfortable. This is probably just as hard for him as it is for you.

[Cat]

No offence you should have taken all that into consideration when you married this guy. Regardless of the fact he'd not seen his son for years, (no doubt due to him being an irresponsible father, plus the distance), there'd always have been a time when the boy would look for him.

The boy hardly knows his father, so if I was you I'd try not to be the stepmother for a while. Be his friend, and give advice or guidance until he begins to trust you and also feel secure in his surroundings. If anything the father needs to start stepping up to the plate, and be a parent to his son.

As for classes on how to be a parent, if they existed and worked, we'd all be the perfect parent.

[Who]

i mis-read and thought you said you were a 16 year old stepmother and the kid was 16 too.

its too early i guess...umm give him something to work for?

like if he works hard youll get him driving lessons and a car.

Originally Posted by SUNNIE

What he said.

Originally Posted by SUNNIE

He talks back, ignore him.
Don't retaliate. And take away somthing. And I don't mean playsation for a week, I mean take it away permently.

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