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Old 07-18-2006, 04:09 AM   #1
Nightmare -Hellish Knight
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Location: In the back of your mind...Feeding off of your fears..
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Default Turned out it was fake

I lived in a world
That seemed too good
As it turned out
It was a fake
It was a trick
Played on my mind
By two evil men
Both in big cloaks
I fought and I fought
day after day
trying to find
my true self
but you know what
as it turned out
I had it all along
with my friends beside me
Seemed it wasn't a trick
nor was it a fake

I'm entering that in a Member of the Month contest on KHRF and..I need to know what you guys think of it..
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Last edited by Nightmare -Hellish Knight; 07-18-2006 at 08:52 PM.
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Old 07-18-2006, 04:51 AM   #2
E-G-muscle
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Arrow ok....

Well I like the concept....Kind of short. It needs maybe more raw emotion.

You have the canvas..now work on the picture alittle more...

just my thoughts on it.
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Old 07-18-2006, 05:46 PM   #3
Kiari
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Quote:
Originally Posted by E-G-muscle
You have the canvas..now work on the picture alittle more...

That is an AWESOME metaphor.... (writes down)


^^^ I agree with this dude.

EDIT: Amy, it's best to be honest. If you sugar coat junk they'll never learn from mistakes.
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