losing trust in mankind

[BRITISH_BULLDOG]

hi this might be moved its more get it of my chest cos my heads proper ****ed up at the moment but any advice hpw i deal with this much appreciated. well here goes

last week my dad was arrested because he has having *** with my lil sister for last 3yrs he wont admit anything to police hes been kicked out house and if he turns up at door when im at home i cut his throat.

im rapidlly losing all my trust and in mankind i mean my dads was 1 of the people i had utmost respect and love for and than this bombshell i would rather id lost my dad in accident or something, i cant go and batter him cos my mum n sis need me at home not prison, seing what my sis is going is killing me and the amount of anger inside me at the momet has got me terrified of what i might all its gonna take is wrong person o piss me of and they gonna get everything that i should be giving my dad. last nite was round neighbours party and my mum and a mate were chattin bout it he tryed chattin to me bout but the subject brought up stuff hes kept secret for 15yrs anther mate took it wrong way and it kicked of big style 2 of em were fighting i smashed half garden and load of plates in house i wanted to stab someone it was that bad. until yesterday i was coping now im struggling not to go and find my dad and smash his lights out permanently i just dont know what do. i nearly got nicked ast nite cos i was kicking of.

i just cant understand how the one person whos meant to protect ur family from this sort of stuff can turn out to be the very person doing it.

i listened to the JCB song other nite bout a boy and his dad and it actually made me cry cos it suddenly sunk in that i havent got that anymore life just feels totally **** i wanna get far away from this house as possible but same time its my home all my life and i dont wanna have to leave everything in my heads just messed up my drinkings just increased 10 fold cos as bad as it is the drink at the moment is my only way to block it all out i know drink ait answer cos soon as im sober the problems still there.

my sisters been staying at friends cos she terrified my dads gonna turn up my mum gets shakes soon as she leaves house and apart from being there to listen there **** all i can do i hate seeing my mum and sis like this i feel totally useless like i said they need me at home not prison i been sleeping in front room so they feel safer i jus want a big hole to swallow me up and keep me there the fact my mum and sis need me is the only thing stopping me either killing my dad or topping myself. my mum already knows that when my dads out of prison im gonna b waiting at the gate with a ****ing big stick and i will be going prison on murder charge. im not sure whatelse to say i think i just keep going over old ground here but i honestly dont know what to if anyone got advice how im supposed to deal with this than im all ears cos im lost i mean how do ya cope with losing ya dad this way?????

i cant trust my father i feel like i cant trust anyone nemore and thats wrong but its how i feel ive suddenly become man of house im coping i just wish i still had my dad but anyhoo any advice please give me it.

and i apologise if this brought any **** with peeps past but mayb this b helpful to you to.

[Zero Xaerus]

Trust is a virtue that is questionable.

Sorry bout' the father bit in the story, Sickens Me.

[Kataklysm]

Moved to Advice

[Raymond James]

Originally Posted by BRITISH_BULLDOG

hi this might be moved its more get it of my chest cos my heads proper ****ed up at the moment but any advice hpw i deal with this much appreciated. well here goes

last week my dad was arrested because he has having *** with my lil sister for last 3yrs he wont admit anything to police hes been kicked out house and if he turns up at door when im at home i cut his throat.

im rapidlly losing all my trust and in mankind i mean my dads was 1 of the people i had utmost respect and love for and than this bombshell i would rather id lost my dad in accident or something, i cant go and batter him cos my mum n sis need me at home not prison, seing what my sis is going is killing me and the amount of anger inside me at the momet has got me terrified of what i might all its gonna take is wrong person o piss me of and they gonna get everything that i should be giving my dad. last nite was round neighbours party and my mum and a mate were chattin bout it he tryed chattin to me bout but the subject brought up stuff hes kept secret for 15yrs anther mate took it wrong way and it kicked of big style 2 of em were fighting i smashed half garden and load of plates in house i wanted to stab someone it was that bad. until yesterday i was coping now im struggling not to go and find my dad and smash his lights out permanently i just dont know what do. i nearly got nicked ast nite cos i was kicking of.

i just cant understand how the one person whos meant to protect ur family from this sort of stuff can turn out to be the very person doing it.

i listened to the JCB song other nite bout a boy and his dad and it actually made me cry cos it suddenly sunk in that i havent got that anymore life just feels totally **** i wanna get far away from this house as possible but same time its my home all my life and i dont wanna have to leave everything in my heads just messed up my drinkings just increased 10 fold cos as bad as it is the drink at the moment is my only way to block it all out i know drink ait answer cos soon as im sober the problems still there.

my sisters been staying at friends cos she terrified my dads gonna turn up my mum gets shakes soon as she leaves house and apart from being there to listen there **** all i can do i hate seeing my mum and sis like this i feel totally useless like i said they need me at home not prison i been sleeping in front room so they feel safer i jus want a big hole to swallow me up and keep me there the fact my mum and sis need me is the only thing stopping me either killing my dad or topping myself. my mum already knows that when my dads out of prison im gonna b waiting at the gate with a ****ing big stick and i will be going prison on murder charge. im not sure whatelse to say i think i just keep going over old ground here but i honestly dont know what to if anyone got advice how im supposed to deal with this than im all ears cos im lost i mean how do ya cope with losing ya dad this way?????

i cant trust my father i feel like i cant trust anyone nemore and thats wrong but its how i feel ive suddenly become man of house im coping i just wish i still had my dad but anyhoo any advice please give me it.

and i apologise if this brought any **** with peeps past but mayb this b helpful to you to.

I’m sorry to hear about what has happened with you, but I really suggest that you seek some proper professional counselling, its not a good idea to rely on advice from the majority of a public forum, although some will post with the best intentions many are vultures of the broken.

[BRITISH_BULLDOG]

yeah i know prob need proff help but im trying to d3eal with it meself my mum n sis needs me to b strong for them i actually cried infront of me mum yesterday 1st time since it happened which i guess is a good thing it got things of my chest a bit

[Weetabix]

I sympathyse anytime you wanna talk am here ...and I really do know what you are going through ..take care mate

[Jezebel]

That's terrible British Bulldog, if you ever need to talk pls feel free to pm me anytime.
And as much as you want to be their for your mum and sister, you also have to look after yourself, make sure you eat, when I go through stress I notice the first thing I stop doing is eating, because everything becomes a very big effort. Try to limit your drinking and as much as you want to run away, you can't, go see a counsellor or perphas a close friend, but you need to talk it out no use bottling all your feelings up.
Take care of you.

[nitenurse]

god luff am here for u

[light]

Erm Well not sure if this will help but here goes,

My BEST friends who is like a little sister to me, went through something similar with her step-dad (of 12yrs) a few years back, she was the most gentle fragile soul that anyone could meet, And the BESTEST friend i was ever likely to have, (And also my next door neighbour), We were close for well over 15 yrs when i was told, And i saw how much her and her mother were torn apart, although she wasn't actually family i was soo torn up by it, I TOTALLY simpathise for you i know exactly how you feel, thinkin you should have stopped it, knowing you didn't, and that no one was there for her to tell, thinkin that if you see him that you will do something to him, i Was exactly the same!!

But That REALLY won't solve anything hun!!

But the only advice i can give is the advice i was given, You need to try hard to stop blamming yourself, you need to concerntrate on you're sister and mum. You need to be there Whenever they need you, coz if you do something that you will regret, they will both be twice as bad having lost a brother/son AND a dad/husband. You need to make sure you show them that you are always there for them, and try to concerntrate on the future rather than what has happend,

AND for you, Don't beat yourself up about it, there is nothing you could have done while it was happening, But there is something you can do now!! BE THERE FOR THEM BOTH!!

And i wish you and your family all the best and i hope he gets what he diserves, if you need me EVER im always here for a chat, sometimes strangers are the best people to tell!!! Take care hun!!

[BRITISH_BULLDOG]

a huge thanks to every1 for advice and support chatting to friends is bit to difficultto tell at the mo i mean what would i say?? its easier fpr me here cos no1 here really knows well not in person anyway but im taking onboard all the advice and light a few things u said actually make alot of sense and i will try my best to follow peeps advice as whatever situation calls for it during next few mths i think court will be worst cos my dads out on bail til bout december and if he dont plead guilty we gonna have the court case hanging over our heads and if my sister has to go court aswell as she seems to be coping now a court case like this is gonna tear her to bits cos she gonna have to stand thre infront of complete strangers and give evidence which will see our dad go to prison the officer dealing with it already said my dads 100% guilty and prison is definate just hope my dad has a tiny bit of deceny left to actually plead guilty and not put the family through more **** by time of court case things will hopefully have gotten easier but this is gonna test all of us even my mums likely to crack she suffers from depression anyway but finding out something like this bout some1 u thought u spend rest ya life with they wre married 26yrs, my mum even sat there and said she sorry we lost our dad which i can understand why she says it but none of my family should ever have to apologise for what he did. but anyhoo im gonna go were on a big clean out of house and garden (my sis is pregnant due feb time) no not my dads fortunately cos than she would'ave topped herself but i think concentrating on sorting things for when baby arrives is whats keeping us going for the most part. and if i seem arsey in chat or forums dont take it personally just tell me to **** off and get some fesh air or something :lol