I cant let this one go....

[icevixxen]

He is wonderful, we almost dated but involvement from others kinda ruined it. Ive been in a few long term relationships before as well as other experiences in emotional attachments but this is different than anything Ive ever experienced. I admire and appreciate his best traits and I recognize and understand his faults, I never want to find someone else. I met this guy just under a year after my break-up of a 3.5 year relationship, I am very cautious by nature with my thoughts and my affections are not idly gifted to people but this caught me by surprise. I remember the exact moment when we made our first direct eye contact, it was like hitting a cement wall in a jet plane. I didnt understand it cause he was not like anyone I had ever thought of as a potential mate, I didnt know what I was attracted to cause he was just an average looking guy. I wrote it off at first as a chemical/physical interest, as I got to know him a little more personally I realized he was truly a good person and I started to think differently about my attraction. I did not want to get involved with anyone, I needed time to deal with myself and my life before even considering looking for another guy, I tried to fight it, let it go, even guilt myself out of liking him. Nothing worked, it wouldnt go away, it grew stronger the more I fought it. I started to analyze the situation to try and clarify what I was thinking and feeling, every woman has a picture of her " perfect ideal man " stored away in her head, he was as close as Ive ever experienced to that picture, almost an exact replica physically, mentally, emotionally...... Finally I gave in and told him what was going on, he had his suspicions which didnt surprise me, we were quite comfortable with each other and a bit flirtatious ( understatement ). He told me that he was interested and he wanted to think it through for a bit, I was fine with that, I wasnt looking to dive into anything either. Just him being seriously interested was surprising, he has turned down every opportunity to come his way in a few years, hes looking for something with substance. He considered our possible involvement for a few months, he finally decided reluctantly that he did not want to get together....and Ill tell you why. He is still very much interested, I can feel it, I can see it in his eyes, but there is a hook in him. He is unbreakably obsessed with a girl, she is married and he knows he will never have her, I understand his situation, I was just giving him another option in life. She feels guilty for not cutting him loose cause she cares for him too but not as much as her husband of course. She feels Im a threat to her perfect situation and is excluding me from their friendship. He does not know or, if he does, could not possibly understand what I truly feel, I was calm, agreeable, friendly, forgiving and understanding throughout the entire ordeal. Even though I will not have him I do not want to find another, I would rather live my life empty and alone than to be with someone who is not him. It saddens me, I would treat him with respect, patience, appreciation, affection and dedication for all his life if given the chance, he would do the same to who he stays with for life. I have to leave him be now, its very difficult to stay away, to let life and time go on, I will forgive him anything and everything but I will never forget him and I will love him for life, until my last breath leaves me.

[Heather]

Wow that has to suck, hope he turns around and sees you more clearly soon

[йіĝђŧмąяε]

that sucks heather why did u stop not replying my pms

[icevixxen]

Thanks dear, just had to vent that. Its the first time I have openly stated that I love him.

[poisonXheart]

*HUGS*
Hopefully he will see the way. Take care <3

[Mariah]

Or show him this thread.

If he really doesn't want to be with you...
Don't close your love to someone else.
They may just be the true love you seek.

[icevixxen]

Hehe, I hope he never sees this thread!!! I could just imagine the stress it would cause, thats why I haven't told him myself. I do know that there could be someone else out there for me but I will not be looking for them, if its going to happen then they will make a strong enough impression on me right away, enough to break my interest from its current recipient. I hope that never happens just for the chance that my time may still come, I know he is interested but it has been labelled as unacceptable by the ruling influence in his life, the girl. I'm not holding my breath though, just kinda getting comfy with my own company since I'll likely be single for a very long time. I truly do appreciate everyone's comments and thoughts on this though, it feels good to be able to say something without uber-dramatic results!

[sharlene]

i would give advice but i say go with mel

[Your Favorite Crush]

Originally Posted by icevixxen

He is wonderful, we almost dated but involvement from others kinda ruined it. Ive been in a few long term relationships before as well as other experiences in emotional attachments but this is different than anything Ive ever experienced. I admire and appreciate his best traits and I recognize and understand his faults, I never want to find someone else. I met this guy just under a year after my break-up of a 3.5 year relationship, I am very cautious by nature with my thoughts and my affections are not idly gifted to people but this caught me by surprise. I remember the exact moment when we made our first direct eye contact, it was like hitting a cement wall in a jet plane. I didnt understand it cause he was not like anyone I had ever thought of as a potential mate, I didnt know what I was attracted to cause he was just an average looking guy. I wrote it off at first as a chemical/physical interest, as I got to know him a little more personally I realized he was truly a good person and I started to think differently about my attraction. I did not want to get involved with anyone, I needed time to deal with myself and my life before even considering looking for another guy, I tried to fight it, let it go, even guilt myself out of liking him. Nothing worked, it wouldnt go away, it grew stronger the more I fought it. I started to analyze the situation to try and clarify what I was thinking and feeling, every woman has a picture of her " perfect ideal man " stored away in her head, he was as close as Ive ever experienced to that picture, almost an exact replica physically, mentally, emotionally...... Finally I gave in and told him what was going on, he had his suspicions which didnt surprise me, we were quite comfortable with each other and a bit flirtatious ( understatement ). He told me that he was interested and he wanted to think it through for a bit, I was fine with that, I wasnt looking to dive into anything either. Just him being seriously interested was surprising, he has turned down every opportunity to come his way in a few years, hes looking for something with substance. He considered our possible involvement for a few months, he finally decided reluctantly that he did not want to get together....and Ill tell you why. He is still very much interested, I can feel it, I can see it in his eyes, but there is a hook in him. He is unbreakably obsessed with a girl, she is married and he knows he will never have her, I understand his situation, I was just giving him another option in life. She feels guilty for not cutting him loose cause she cares for him too but not as much as her husband of course. She feels Im a threat to her perfect situation and is excluding me from their friendship. He does not know or, if he does, could not possibly understand what I truly feel, I was calm, agreeable, friendly, forgiving and understanding throughout the entire ordeal. Even though I will not have him I do not want to find another, I would rather live my life empty and alone than to be with someone who is not him. It saddens me, I would treat him with respect, patience, appreciation, affection and dedication for all his life if given the chance, he would do the same to who he stays with for life. I have to leave him be now, its very difficult to stay away, to let life and time go on, I will forgive him anything and everything but I will never forget him and I will love him for life, until my last breath leaves me.

OMG I was so shocked when I read this....I had chills. Why is it that there's always someone who just doesn't SEE what's right in front of their faces???? I hope he opens his eyes. It's always the blind leading the blind. My heart really goes out to you. Sometimes it takes a great deal to OPEN a person's eyes, but believe me when those eyes really see, everything just falls into place.
I wish you the best of luck. I won't say move on and find someone else, because I understand that sometimes, there just is NO one else.
~.O

[icevixxen]

Thanks MFC, you seem to understand, I've been in love before, a few times......but this is something else entirely. I am barely clinging to having his friendship because of the pressure from the girl, I'm afraid if I told him all this he would be overwhelmed and not talk to me anymore......but that is inevitable, she will take him away, I don't know what day will be the last time I see him or talk to him. I rarely wish for things, most things aren't really worth it, but I truly wish I will never see that day, I fear that wish is not going to be granted. I don't know what else to do, I'm not a kid anymore, I don't want to play these games, I know what I feel, its not temporary or imaginary, but it hurts. I must have made a deal with the devil to meet my one and only before starting this life, its the only explanation for the sharp irony, I will meet him and know it but no guaruntee that he will be with me. When he told me he didn't want to get into a relationship I told him I understood but he would always be the one who got away to me, I told him to give it some time and reconsider his decision in the future, everyone deserves a second chance, my second chance for him and his for me. I'm very appreciative of everyone's response to this, I am hurting alot, it helps me to be able to tell someone whats going on without a fear of destructive consequences.