cant sand my life right now my son 17 took off this afternoon and hasnt returned I

[skip6189]

Hi my kid took off again and I have know idea where he is . He use odo this last summer when things were bad in his life and he is doing it again . He has alot of teeenage problems but of late has been doing good and now this I really hate it and cant sleep because I am so worried. I really have a hard time dealing with this kid and I feel the worst I ever could. all I do when I dont know where he is is worry and cry . I am so afraid that he will do something stupid and get hurt. He recently found out that he is a dad at 17 and he feel very guilty I told him things will work out but he feel bad about himself It is just another thing in his life that he has screwed up and I think he thinks his life is over. help

[MooGooGaiPan]

You think his life is over? What kind of real mother says that about her child?

So what if he took off. He's 17 years old. He's not an infant. He's practically an adult.

[AжзMann]

Probably the hardest thing to accept here is the only answer to your problems. Sometimes in life there are things beyond our control and hence we should stop trying to control them. Some soul searching on your behalf is what's desperately needed and at the same time, some conclusions need to be met.

You love you're son dearly and nothing can change that but at the same time you dont want him to drag you down with him. Slowly start to let go but never let go of your love for him. One day, hopefully he will progress out of his self destructive pattern. He is very young after all.

[Luka]

Um, if he's missing for 24 hours, you can approach the police and they can help by putting out a missing persons thingy.
Your son obviously has mental problems (least what I see) and needs to see a psychiatrist or a counsellor of some sort.
His problems are consuming him, and making it far harder for him to cope with problems. You don't mention a father or mother (I don't know if you're male or female). Maybe this could be one of his problems?
Keep us informed, and I hope he returns home safely.

[Candescence.]

Originally Posted by skip6189

Hi my kid took off again and I have know idea where he is . He use odo this last summer when things were bad in his life and he is doing it again . He has alot of teeenage problems but of late has been doing good and now this I really hate it and cant sleep because I am so worried. I really have a hard time dealing with this kid and I feel the worst I ever could. all I do when I dont know where he is is worry and cry . I am so afraid that he will do something stupid and get hurt. He recently found out that he is a dad at 17 and he feel very guilty I told him things will work out but he feel bad about himself It is just another thing in his life that he has screwed up and I think he thinks his life is over. help

Teenagers have lots of problems; school, hormones, bullies, worry, stress, going through the mental and physical stage of developing and becoming more mature, etc. And sometimes when they can't handle it anymore, they tend to give up, run away, and hope to leave all their problems behind them where they don't have to take the responsibility for it, or facing it.

Imagine how this boy must be feeling; confused, upset, worried, stressed, depressed.. This boy sounds emotionally unstable; he must have alot of problems to be running away in the 1st place. You should have tried talking to him and together sorting them out. Make sure he doesn't get the impression he's on his own, don't push him into telling you anything if he doesn't want to beacause you'll only end up pushing him away. He'll come to you in his own time when he's good and ready, but only if he gets the impression you're willing to help him sort it out, sometimes even being there to listen to him would help a great deal - so it's your job to make sure he receives that impression. It always helps to talk - make sure he's aware of that; it definitely beats bottling things up, but feeling you're on your own is the worst feeling ever..

So he's just found out he's a father - another added problem to his existing ones that he obviously can't cope with. Most people are scared and confused when they discover they're going to be parents, especially if they're still at school and feel they aren't ready for a baby, it's only natural to have those feelings of 'screwing up'.
There are people he can talk to about this; professional people.. or if he doesn't feel he can do that, you as a parent talk him about it.
A baby could actually bring great joy and happyness into their life, but in my opinion, whilst being at school, I think it's too young. How old is this girl??
If he's feeling like this, imagine how this girl must be feeling, and knowing he's just run away from it all isn't gonna help her at all, or make the situation any better for that matter, it's gonna put more worry and stress on her which she doesn't need. She needs the babies father to be there with her so she doesn't feel she's on her own. But before they considers any options eg; adoption.. both him and his gf need to talk about it and see what THEY want, it has to be a joint decision. Just make sure you're there for him.

Ok, so down to finding him. Have you tried phoning family and friends? people that could have a rough idea as to where he is, he might have said something to them. If not, call the police and get them on his trail - it's hard to stay missing these days.

Maybe you could introduce him to a therapist or counceler (sp) when he feels things are getting ontop of him and running away, they'll help him through this
and give him a variety of different options and ways to over come his problems.
You really need to help him, if he's been feeling like this for a long time, how the heck is he even concentrating on his school work with all of this on his mind? It's impossible. He needs a peace of mind before he can get back into his usual routine. But all you can do for now, is find him, and when you do, sit him down and have a long talk. Make sure you make it clear that you're there for him through anything and everything, and that he can always come and talk to you.

[Lezbayne]

Am I supposed to help you find him?
I'll go left, you go right, we'll meet in Japan.

[wexel]

Just keep loving him babe........he'll grow up.

[Jossey]

Bringing up children is one of the hardest things to do, when they hurt you hurt, when they cry you cry, and when their life runs off the tracks and you see them go through so much termoil it can really tare you apart.. All you can do is be there for him, reassure him, talk to him when he needs it, let him know that no matter what he does, no matter what trouble he gets into, that your his mum and will always love him and be there for him. Remind him of the good things he has in his life, remind him of the good times, remind him that no matter what his thinking or feeling right now, there are ppl who love him and thats something he should hold onto.. I hope he comes back soon hun and that the both of you can sort through it.. Good Luck...

[themauler]

as a singleparent myself i undestand your pain more then u know but the bottom line is falling apart does u no good ! snap out of it and deal with it....as dr phil would say ((what ru thinking))) dont let your kid control your life sometimes kids have to learn the hard way and its unfourtante 4 us as parents to sit by and watch.... theres always classes u can take to deal with your pain it may help i wish u well

[Candescence.]

Originally Posted by themauler

as a singleparent myself i undestand your pain more then u know but the bottom line is falling apart does u no good ! snap out of it and deal with it....as dr phil would say ((what ru thinking))) dont let your kid control your life

^^ I absolutely agree.
Theres not much point in falling apart, it won't get you anywhere, you won't possibly achieve anything by doing so. You have to be strong and find the strength and determination to come to terms with this and face it. He WILL get through this, with the help of his family and friends - it just takes time.