should i take him back?

fefe8322 · 09-19-2006, 12:14 AM

this has been resolved

"IRISH" RUFUS MURPHY · 09-19-2006, 01:08 AM

I been raised around all kinds of drinkers...some alcoholics, others just casual drinkers. It's really hard to tell a difference between the two...sometimes an alcoholic can drink just a little bit of alcohol and be a lunatic, other times they can drink for days and not be the least bit wild.

You say he isn't an alcoholic so, we'll look at it from a different route. If he knows this bothers you, and that he does get abusive [at least emotionally] and even though he apologises and still does it...then either he does have a problem with drinking...or maybe it's best you do give him an ultamatum and give it to him straight, that if he don't stop, or at least drink in moderation, then you're gone.

To me, it seems if you love someone enough, you have to make the commitment to change your faults...I ain't saying that's easy...but if he really loves you, he would make a genuine effort to try and not do this.

That's just my opinion.

BrunetteWithAttitude · 09-19-2006, 01:54 AM

Well..I guess I'll be the bitch in this situation..because I usually am. I would give him an ultimatum. Tell him straight up that if he continues to treat you like sh1t when he's drinking..then yer gone. Don't let him apologize to you..yer letting him get what he wants because he's nice to you when he's sober..but a jerk when he's drunk...and he's kind of controlling you by always telling you he's sorry..because he knows that you'll forgive him and life will go on. There's no excuse for him acting like that towards you. A lot of people use alcohol as an excuse for a lot of things..which I think is bullsh1t. I'm sure you love him and it will be hard..but you deserve a lot better. Women have to learn to take up for themselves..even if it means losing a guy you love. Even tho he may not be abusive to you right now...it could definitely turn into that and you need to make sure that never happens.

Cardsfan12 · 09-19-2006, 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrunetteWithAttitude

Well..I guess I'll be the bitch in this situation..because I usually am. I would give him an ultimatum. Tell him straight up that if he continues to treat you like sh1t when he's drinking..then yer gone. Don't let him apologize to you..yer letting him get what he wants because he's nice to you when he's sober..but a jerk when he's drunk...and he's kind of controlling you by always telling you he's sorry..because he knows that you'll forgive him and life will go on. There's no excuse for him acting like that towards you. A lot of people use alcohol as an excuse for a lot of things..which I think is bullsh1t. I'm sure you love him and it will be hard..but you deserve a lot better. Women have to learn to take up for themselves..even if it means losing a guy you love. Even tho he may not be abusive to you right now...it could definitely turn into that and you need to make sure that never happens.

Just like she says.All women need to take a stand.I have so many good looking gals be destoryed by a man.Its so not right.I'm a guy who has been screwed over from the best of ya women.I have issues about trusting women.Once they lie I just can't look at them the same.I have no clue if this is a bad thing on me or what?Back to you and your man.If I was you I would lay it down plain and simple.Look if you can't quit the crap your pulling.Im up,See ya,Have a nice life,and Good Bye .Its just not worth it.Theres always a guy who can and will treat you better.I dont care what no one says!!!I hope your able to work things out but If I was you I'd leave.Mental abuse is not cool!!!!!!

Candescence. · 09-19-2006, 08:30 AM

I never did understand why guys presist in drinking if they know very well that they're violent towards the people they love, or just act like a constant bastard. But they still do it.. why? Is it just because they have no self-control? Or they just simply don't care what they act like? Guys have always been a mystery to me. o__o;;

Why the heck is he kicking you out of the house at 5 in the morning? His own gf

That's just over stepping the line.. Lol, I take it he was drunk again?
But listen, if he's already kicking you out of the house at 5 in the morning, what's it gonna be like when this goes on even further? Is he gonna resort to being violent towards you next? I'm sure he'll feed you the "I'll never hit you or be violent towards you" line, but that's his sober state, not his drunk state. It's a totally different story when he's drunk - the drink takes over and he hardly knows what he's doing..
I know you truly love this guy, but you honestly shouldn't have to be constantly putting up with this, and he shouldn't be putting you through it in the 1st place. You need to think about yourself, you're obviously not happy with him acting like this, and trust me, guys rarely change, so my bet, is that he'll always be like this.

You need to stop being so soft on him, he knows that he can get away with this and you'll always forgive him, which is exactly why he presists in doing it. You need to stand up for youself, be strong and tell him how it is.
When he next calls you, answer him and tell him that you're sick of his bs, that you know he obviously doesn't know what he's doing and capable of while he's drunk, but he still presists in doing it, which tells you that he's obviously not that keen on mending things and building a strong relationship between you both. So give him an alternative; he either stops, or highly cuts down, or you'll leave him.. and that's that.
I know, I know, you're thinking 'but I love this guy so much, I can't possibly be without him'... You can, you'll manage it, you can be without him, and you'll realise that.. and if he's not willing to change himself, or even try, it's your best option, because if he really and truly loved you, he'd stop, and THAT's the bottom line.

You need to think about yourself - if it does come to you leaving him as he chose the bottle over you, you'll be better off without someone like that, which would clearly tell you he obviously couldn't have loved you as much as you did him. And yeah, that will hurt at 1st, but wouldn't you rather have a man that makes you happy all the time rather than putting you through all that? I'm telling you, if that guy really loved and cared for you, he'd immediately stop, cut down, or at least seek professional help.
He'll probally end up telling you he'll stop, or seek help, but don't just take his word for it, because knowing him, he'll probally be taking you for a ride again just so you're happy with what he said, and as a result, you'll stay with him.
Make him prove himelf.

Good luck, keep us updated.

the girl · 09-19-2006, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *N·i·c·o·l·є*

I never did understand why guys presist in drinking if they know very well that they're violent towards the people they love, or just act like a constant bastard. But they still do it.. why? Is it just because they have no self-control? Or they just simply don't care what they act like? Guys have always been a mystery to me. o__o;;

Why the heck is he kicking you out of the house at 5 in the morning? His own gf

That's just over stepping the line.. Lol, I take it he was drunk again?
But listen, if he's already kicking you out of the house at 5 in the morning, what's it gonna be like when this goes on even further? Is he gonna resort to being violent towards you next? I'm sure he'll feed you the "I'll never hit you or be violent towards you" line, but that's his sober state, not his drunk state. It's a totally different story when he's drunk - the drink takes over and he hardly knows what he's doing..
I know you truly love this guy, but you honestly shouldn't have to be constantly putting up with this, and he shouldn't be putting you through it in the 1st place. You need to think about yourself, you're obviously not happy with him acting like this, and trust me, guys rarely change, so my bet, is that he'll always be like this.

You need to stop being so soft on him, he knows that he can get away with this and you'll always forgive him, which is exactly why he presists in doing it. You need to stand up for youself, be strong and tell him how it is.
When he next calls you, answer him and tell him that you're sick of his bs, that you know he obviously doesn't know what he's doing and capable of while he's drunk, but he still presists in doing it, which tells you that he's obviously not that keen on mending things and building a strong relationship between you both. So give him an alternative; he either stops, or highly cuts down, or you'll leave him.. and that's that.
I know, I know, you're thinking 'but I love this guy so much, I can't possibly be without him'... You can, you'll manage it, you can be without him, and you'll realise that.. and if he's not willing to change himself, or even try, it's your best option, because if he really and truly loved you, he'd stop, and THAT's the bottom line.

You need to think about yourself - if it does come to you leaving him as he chose the bottle over you, you'll be better off without someone like that, which would clearly tell you he obviously couldn't have loved you as much as you did him. And yeah, that will hurt at 1st, but wouldn't you rather have a man that makes you happy all the time rather than putting you through all that? I'm telling you, if that guy really loved and cared for you, he'd immediately stop, cut down, or at least seek professional help.
He'll probally end up telling you he'll stop, or seek help, but don't just take his word for it, because knowing him, he'll probally be taking you for a ride again just so you're happy with what he said, and as a result, you'll stay with him.
Make him prove himelf.

Good luck, keep us updated.

great advice..listen to nicole on this and yeah she knows what shes talking about

munster monch · 09-20-2006, 09:29 AM

Cut ya losses now b4 things get seriously worse than they r now. Dont be 1 of those women that give him chance after chance to change ..very few do!! U may think u love him but the person that u fell in love with is only there when the alcohol isnt. But the odds r that u'll take him back... u'll give him another chance... things will be different this time..WONT THEY? We can all sit here & tell u 2 leave but @ the end of the day whether it be 2day 2morrow or in 5 yrs time u'll know when enoughs enough & the fact that u've posted on here seeking advice leads me 2 believe its gonna be a case of later rather than sooner!!!

seXybitCh23 · 09-20-2006, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fefe8322

ive been with a guy for like a year and i love himm very much but we fight when he gets drunk. i know what everyone thinks he's an alcoholic but thats not the case. we get slong so well and we r together all the time. he always sweet until he gets drunk. i actually walked home in the snow last winter he pissed me off so bad!

what can i do or say 2 make a stand. he's called and apologized very sincerly but i'm not taking his calls. He embarrased me really bad this weekend in front of his roommates & some of our friends by kicking me out of his house at 5 in the morning!

i think he has it in his head that all he has to do is apologize and i'll be back but i really want 2 make a stand this time. I really love him and still want to be with him is it best to give him an ultamatem or just cut my losses? any advice would be great please don't be rude about it

Nothing good comes from a guy that is okay untill he gets drunk. Thats a big hint of there being a problem.

If you think its worth it.. sit him down and talk about whats happened and whats been happening. Go from there and just take steps instead of big leaps. Communication is always the key thing in a relationship. If you don't have that, than you have nothing at all. Good luck to you hon

Mezmerized · 09-21-2006, 08:51 PM

u need to make a stand and learn to communicate ... allowing this to happen to u will, down the track lead to further destruction and if u arent strong minded it will crush you.. saying sorry is fine but how many times will he say it and yet repeat the same thing over and over again.. only u can help it to stop..maybe try some counselling or something.. and no he may not be an alcoholic but he has the tendencies for what is called domestic violence.. if u want it to change u gotta do somethin bout it .. and communication is a must.. but if the other person is not willing to do this then u need to let them go and and start anew.. but thats just my opinion.. i do wish u all the best in whatever u decide.. take care

Starfire · 09-22-2006, 03:38 AM

You need some self respect. This guy KNOWS you'll go back to him after a mere apology. So don't do it this time. He's just gonna walk all over you if you do.