...

[Blindsided.]

it's been nearly a year since I've brought up any of my problems, to anybody. Recently I've began to think to myself, "this is not who I want to be, I'd like to change.." .. That eventually drove me to post here.

after countless years of constant worry,.. anxiety.., and shyness, it seems impossible to change. I've cried to the forums a few times before about it.. please don't take this as emotional as I make it sound.

Sitting on the highest point of my highschool roof last night, it hit me agian that I'm not right and I'm willing to change. I don't wanna sound emo, but really, I feel desperate for emotional help, rather than attention.. driven to suicide this past summer, I was one step from ending my life.. I don't know what it was that stopped me, I think it was some friends I talked ot online at 5AM..

Of course you might think I'm a fool for trying for help here, but I've known most of you over two years, and it's less personal to do it online. I don't have the guts to talk to anybody in person aobut this, although I want to see a councelor, I am scared..

Anywya, it's been like this: My entire life I've been shy, always scared to tlak to people. I can never think of anything to say, and I have trouble looking people in the eyes. it's even hard to talk to my friends.. at lunch I sit silent with a group of people I've known for years.. I stare around nervously worrying that people are watching me, or that I'm being talked about.. Although I know none of that is true, I can not change it. always worrying about how I look, if my shirt is dirty, or if my hairs messed up, its so stressful, so stupid..
Picking up a girlfriend seems impossible to me now. I have no guts to talk to a girl that I like, and it seems every girl that has liked me, I have no interest in.. and I've been putting peopel down. I trick myself into bleieving I'd rather remain single.. but really, I don't think I would.

I preech what I am not, always telling people to stop being scared, and ask for her phone number, or to ignore what other people think.. but ultimately I care more about what other people think than I care about myself.

I have always been fearful of everything. as a brief example, I'll see a medical show of somebody having a heart attack, for some reason all I can think about is me having chest pains, anxiety, and I worry like I feel the same way. I'll worry that I'm too skinny, and feel like I don't eat much.. than I'll worry myself sick that I cannnot eat.. I'll be so scared of walking down my street, just thinking that people are watching me. Knowing practically none of this is true, and it's stupid to worry aout such things, I cna't stop it. none of this just happens for one time, it lasts forever, and returns in the future after I get over it. I feel like I constantly have to do something sometimes.. like crack my knuckles, move my arm a bit.. sounds like OCD.. but I seriously doubt it's anything like this. more than half convinced I have a social disorder.. I still can't diagnose anything, and I feel I can not cure anything on my own.. all hope seems lost.. lol .. as a quick edit: to throw this in.. I've just looked at the clock and noticed 12:34 AM .. that repitition bothers me so much, I get so scared like something is going to happen during that minute.. it means nothing, its just a pointless worry I can't control or stop.

anyway.. onto this again.

I sometimes, well often.. worry that I cannot sleep, and I'll keep myself up all night thinking that, when I know damn well I can sleep if I stop thinking this.
Last year I would get 40 mintues or less of sleep on a school night - Every night. I
was a ****ing zombie, nearly drownign at swim class, when I would go to school. speaking of school.. its the start of the fourth week and I've missed 7 days already. I fear going, because of my problems with being social and such others, that I put skipping in front of the consequenses.. I now have 10 days of in school suspension, unless I could come up with an exact forgery of my moms signature to sign absense excuse blanks..

maybe targeting all of my problems is what I'd love to do, but what I'm really trying to change is my social problems.. always being shy, quiet, losing what friends I have, and the inability to make new friends. being 'anti-social' seems to cut into my life so much, I bleieve it's the root of all of my problems. Whatever you can make out of this, however you can help me, I appreciate it.. maybe its just the strength I need to build up, so I can get counceling, to talk to somebody in person about this. I've tried so many times, over the past year or so, I still can't get to the guidance office at school.. I have nothing left to say, it's all trash.. =\

[Laurenn]

Whoa.

I like when people type a lot!

Umm.

Seeing a counsellor is nothing to be scared of.

Like, they might, or mightn't help you.

But you'll never know unless you try them for yourself.

Umm.

You need to learn relaxation techniques. ;o

Take a course, or something.

Great way to meet chicks, too!

Err.

You think too much before you go to sleep..

Because you're not used to things slowing down.

Everything tends to be fast paced.

Things need to be happening.

So, you make things happen within your mind.

You're shy, because you most likely aren't comfortable within yourself [Duh Lauren, everyone knew that]

But maybe you need to be told it from someone else?

I know..

I know I have a lot of things wrong with me.

But until someone actually says they think I have that problem..

Or why I am reacting a certian way..

Then I take notice, and try to prevent it happening in the future.

Talking about it online because you don't feel comfortable about it offline isn't the way to go.

You're just hiding once again.

And no one on here can help you, and work through it with you.

Confidence is easily taken away.

And hard to get back.

But just listen when people say nice things about you.

And ignore when they say negative.



:p Then you'll become up yourself like me!

And get chicks with no worries.

[Blindsided.]

Originally Posted by -&#***;αџяєи.-

[CENTER]Whoa.

I like when people type a lot!

Umm.

Seeing a counsellor is nothing to be scared of.

Like, they might, or mightn't help you.

But you'll never know unless you try them for yourself.

Umm.

I know, but I've been having social and anxiety problems my entire life. I'm scared to talk about them, which I know is stupid, maybe I just don't wnat to go through withit.. adding one more stressful thing to my schedule.. could be worth it though.

You need to learn relaxation techniques. ;o

lol, I can normally relax myself, but it doens't help when it comes back as soon as I look up again.

Take a course, or something.

Great way to meet chicks, too!

Err.

lol, if they existed around here.

You think too much before you go to sleep..

Because you're not used to things slowing down.

Everything tends to be fast paced.

Things need to be happening.

So, you make things happen within your mind.

I know, it's hard. most of the time I'm fine with going to sleep, well lately I have been. besides now.. its 1 am on a schoool night, but its for a better cause I guess.

You're shy, because you most likely aren't comfortable within yourself [Duh Lauren, everyone knew that]

But maybe you need to be told it from someone else?

I know..

yep. all i ever get is "Why're you so quiet?" .. stuff like that.

I know I have a lot of things wrong with me.

But until someone actually says they think I have that problem..

Or why I am reacting a certian way..

Then I take notice, and try to prevent it happening in the future.

Talking about it online because you don't feel comfortable about it offline isn't the way to go.

You're just hiding once again.

And no one on here can help you, and work through it with you.

I think it's a way to go. Where else can I get help if I have no confidence? .. I've tried talking to my mom, really, that wasn't even good enough. I have no one to turn to.

Confidence is easily taken away.

And hard to get back.

But just listen when people say nice things about you.

And ignore when they say negative.



:p Then you'll become up yourself like me!

And get chicks with no worries.

I do hear the compliments, and really, nobody ever says anything bad about me, that I know of.. mainly because people do'nt talk to me much, lol.. but I've been otld im very nice, the nicest, stuff like that ..still, even hearing good things, I can't help myself into becoming more social or comfortable around people.. I dunno, I feel like this reply has gotten farther from the point, leading elsewhere =\

[Dark@ngel]

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

it's been nearly a year since I've brought up any of my problems, to anybody. Recently I've began to think to myself, "this is not who I want to be, I'd like to change.." .. That eventually drove me to post here.

Why would you wanna change who you are ...?
Being yourself and the person youis the Most Unique way to be ,...

after countless years of constant worry,.. anxiety.., and shyness, it seems impossible to change. I've cried to the forums a few times before about it.. please don't take this as emotional as I make it sound.

If you wanna change for yourself , then do it but if it is to make others Happy DON'T do it ..., Just remember The response you might get is not always the one you need Nor want to hear ....

Sitting on the highest point of my highschool roof last night, it hit me agian that I'm not right and I'm willing to change. I don't wanna sound emo, but really, I feel desperate for emotional help, rather than attention.. driven to suicide this past summer, I was one step from ending my life.. I don't know what it was that stopped me, I think it was some friends I talked ot online at 5AM..

OMG!!! I can't even believe you contimplated suicide..Emotional feelings is what all need sometimes no matter how strong or Macho some mat seem .... What stopped you Taking the step not to attempt to harm yourself was your support , But the strength to believe in yourself.. It was you that stopped yourself ....

Of course you might think I'm a fool for trying for help here, but I've known most of you over two years, and it's less personal to do it online. I don't have the guts to talk to anybody in person aobut this, although I want to see a councelor, I am scared..

And.. we will help as much as we can ...

Anywya, it's been like this: My entire life I've been shy, always scared to tlak to people. I can never think of anything to say, and I have trouble looking people in the eyes. it's even hard to talk to my friends.. at lunch I sit silent with a group of people I've known for years.. I stare around nervously worrying that people are watching me, or that I'm being talked about.. Although I know none of that is true, I can not change it. always worrying about how I look, if my shirt is dirty, or if my hairs messed up, its so stressful, so stupid..

Never be scared or shy to talk , always remember there are othjers ways you can express yourself , Journals , people on Life line , There is people you can talk to that you have never met Nor do you have to meet again ..But communicating your pain is the best Way to Guide You through This....You are just having a few problems , but talking to a Social worker , can help you work this out .. It is not something that is a quick fix , it may take a little time , but hey , Life is worth a little happiness, and freedom to feel free....

Picking up a girlfriend seems impossible to me now. I have no guts to talk to a girl that I like, and it seems every girl that has liked me, I have no interest in.. and I've been putting peopel down. I trick myself into bleieving I'd rather remain single.. but really, I don't think I would.

Girls , is not the important Issue here it is trying to love and accept yourself before you can love another.. You will get the girl you want , but Loving you is the most important thing ....

I preech what I am not, always telling people to stop being scared, and ask for her phone number, or to ignore what other people think.. but ultimately I care more about what other people think than I care about myself.

And .. once again you have a great heart and worry to much about others , Care for the Number 1 in life and respect yourself .....

I have always been fearful of everything. as a brief example, I'll see a medical show of somebody having a heart attack, for some reason all I can think about is me having chest pains, anxiety, and I worry like I feel the same way. I'll worry that I'm too skinny, and feel like I don't eat much.. than I'll worry myself sick that I cannnot eat.. I'll be so scared of walking down my street, just thinking that people are watching me. Knowing practically none of this is true, and it's stupid to worry aout such things, I cna't stop it. none of this just happens for one time, it lasts forever, and returns in the future after I get over it. I feel like I constantly have to do something sometimes.. like crack my knuckles, move my arm a bit.. sounds like OCD.. but I seriously doubt it's anything like this. more than half convinced I have a social disorder.. I still can't diagnose anything, and I feel I can not cure anything on my own.. all hope seems lost.. lol .. as a quick edit: to throw this in.. I've just looked at the clock and noticed 12:34 AM .. that repitition bothers me so much, I get so scared like something is going to happen during that minute.. it means nothing, its just a pointless worry I can't control or stop.

Try and be less negative , try Thinking that you are a caring person.. You care about all these things , and then not yourself .......
Be Strong , and remember open up to family , friends Coz love and support is the way to go ....

anyway.. onto this again.

I sometimes, well often.. worry that I cannot sleep, and I'll keep myself up all night thinking that, when I know damn well I can sleep if I stop thinking this.
Last year I would get 40 mintues or less of sleep on a school night - Every night. I
was a ****ing zombie, nearly drownign at swim class, when I would go to school. speaking of school.. its the start of the fourth week and I've missed 7 days already. I fear going, because of my problems with being social and such others, that I put skipping in front of the consequenses.. I now have 10 days of in school suspension, unless I could come up with an exact forgery of my moms signature to sign absense excuse blanks..

maybe targeting all of my problems is what I'd love to do, but what I'm really trying to change is my social problems.. always being shy, quiet, losing what friends I have, and the inability to make new friends. being 'anti-social' seems to cut into my life so much, I bleieve it's the root of all of my problems. Whatever you can make out of this, however you can help me, I appreciate it.. maybe its just the strength I need to build up, so I can get counceling, to talk to somebody in person about this. I've tried so many times, over the past year or so, I still can't get to the guidance office at school.. I have nothing left to say, it's all trash.. =\

Just Remember , You need to seek some advice , not from a forum , but a Person that has experience in this field... You have been brave enough to post this here That is your first step ..Well Done ....

I wish you all the best , and Please take the time to Consider you are a Great Person ......

[Nebacudnezar]

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

it's been nearly a year since I've brought up any of my problems, to anybody. Recently I've began to think to myself, "this is not who I want to be, I'd like to change.." .. That eventually drove me to post here.

after countless years of constant worry,.. anxiety.., and shyness, it seems impossible to change. I've cried to the forums a few times before about it.. please don't take this as emotional as I make it sound.

Sitting on the highest point of my highschool roof last night, it hit me agian that I'm not right and I'm willing to change. I don't wanna sound emo, but really, I feel desperate for emotional help, rather than attention.. driven to suicide this past summer, I was one step from ending my life.. I don't know what it was that stopped me, I think it was some friends I talked ot online at 5AM..

Of course you might think I'm a fool for trying for help here, but I've known most of you over two years, and it's less personal to do it online. I don't have the guts to talk to anybody in person aobut this, although I want to see a councelor, I am scared..

Anywya, it's been like this: My entire life I've been shy, always scared to tlak to people. I can never think of anything to say, and I have trouble looking people in the eyes. it's even hard to talk to my friends.. at lunch I sit silent with a group of people I've known for years.. I stare around nervously worrying that people are watching me, or that I'm being talked about.. Although I know none of that is true, I can not change it. always worrying about how I look, if my shirt is dirty, or if my hairs messed up, its so stressful, so stupid..
Picking up a girlfriend seems impossible to me now. I have no guts to talk to a girl that I like, and it seems every girl that has liked me, I have no interest in.. and I've been putting peopel down. I trick myself into bleieving I'd rather remain single.. but really, I don't think I would.

I preech what I am not, always telling people to stop being scared, and ask for her phone number, or to ignore what other people think.. but ultimately I care more about what other people think than I care about myself.

I have always been fearful of everything. as a brief example, I'll see a medical show of somebody having a heart attack, for some reason all I can think about is me having chest pains, anxiety, and I worry like I feel the same way. I'll worry that I'm too skinny, and feel like I don't eat much.. than I'll worry myself sick that I cannnot eat.. I'll be so scared of walking down my street, just thinking that people are watching me. Knowing practically none of this is true, and it's stupid to worry aout such things, I cna't stop it. none of this just happens for one time, it lasts forever, and returns in the future after I get over it. I feel like I constantly have to do something sometimes.. like crack my knuckles, move my arm a bit.. sounds like OCD.. but I seriously doubt it's anything like this. more than half convinced I have a social disorder.. I still can't diagnose anything, and I feel I can not cure anything on my own.. all hope seems lost.. lol .. as a quick edit: to throw this in.. I've just looked at the clock and noticed 12:34 AM .. that repitition bothers me so much, I get so scared like something is going to happen during that minute.. it means nothing, its just a pointless worry I can't control or stop.

anyway.. onto this again.

I sometimes, well often.. worry that I cannot sleep, and I'll keep myself up all night thinking that, when I know damn well I can sleep if I stop thinking this.
Last year I would get 40 mintues or less of sleep on a school night - Every night. I
was a ****ing zombie, nearly drownign at swim class, when I would go to school. speaking of school.. its the start of the fourth week and I've missed 7 days already. I fear going, because of my problems with being social and such others, that I put skipping in front of the consequenses.. I now have 10 days of in school suspension, unless I could come up with an exact forgery of my moms signature to sign absense excuse blanks..

maybe targeting all of my problems is what I'd love to do, but what I'm really trying to change is my social problems.. always being shy, quiet, losing what friends I have, and the inability to make new friends. being 'anti-social' seems to cut into my life so much, I bleieve it's the root of all of my problems. Whatever you can make out of this, however you can help me, I appreciate it.. maybe its just the strength I need to build up, so I can get counceling, to talk to somebody in person about this. I've tried so many times, over the past year or so, I still can't get to the guidance office at school.. I have nothing left to say, it's all trash.. =\

I wouldnt worry so mutch if i was you your a young man and there is million's of kid's out there that feel the same way try to keep your self occupied some how

Dont worry about being single it's seem's strange to say but a few year's from now or maybe sooner you might be in a long term relationship bottom line is you never no what is around the corner there is some one out there for you.

It sound's to me like you might be a little depressed witch is stupid if you dont feel there is some thing wrong with you then dont be to hard on your self.


Try and get your self a hobbie you said you have swimming classes yes well why dont you try burning off some enegy at your local sport's centre swimming pool a few time's a week just keep your self busy.!

[Candescence.]

Lol, Brandon. I take it you're the kinda guy that bottles things up inside you?
Well if you are, that's no good.. You NEED to talk about your problems, and what's troubling you for you to at least over come them.
I doubt you'll manage it on your own, everyone always needs someone to talk to, someone they can trust, someone that won't judge them and laugh. It's a
BIG weight off your chest, and trust me, you may not think it right now, but it'll help a lot.. Never bottle things up, Brandon, it does you no good.

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

it seems impossible to change.

It's never impossible to change. It's been done before. And if you have enough strength and self control (which by the way I know you do have), you WILL change, and you will get through this. But it won't just suddenly happen; you, yourself have got to work at it. Other people can't do it for you - they can be there for you and give you the help and support you need, but YOU need to be the one to actually do it.

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

driven to suicide this past summer

Brandon, never ever resort to suicide. You have the rest of your life ahead of you to enjoy, and believe me, people have had it ALOT worse than you, and they're working at it, and with help and support, they're getting through it, no matter how hard it is. And that's no different to you. Suicide isn't the answer, and it never will be.
You're not alone; you have your family and friends, and you know I'm always here if you want to talk.. Don't ever think you're alone..

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

I don't have the guts to talk to anybody in person aobut this, although I want to see a councelor, I am scared..

Ok, start off with talking to your parents, or a friend, or someone you KNOW you can trust and won't judge you. I think your parents would be your best bet. They'll give you the physical support you need and they'll be there for you through thick and thin. Just go up to them and ask if you can talk to them about something...

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

My entire life I've been shy, always scared to tlak to people. I can never think of anything to say, and I have trouble looking people in the eyes. it's even hard to talk to my friends.. at lunch I sit silent with a group of people I've known for years..

Aww, you're obviously a very quiet boy. Try and get involved with the convos, or being something up.. ask them questions and interact with them, it's really not hard and especially with people you've known years.

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

I stare around nervously worrying that people are watching me, or that I'm being talked about..

You're very paranoid. That isn't going help you at all. Think about it, Brandon... why would they bother staring at you? What would you have done for them to constantly stare at you?Absolutely Nothing.. They'll only give you that attention if you do something that'll give them the advantage, and I highly doubt you do. And besides that, I'm sure they'll be too busy talking and laughing with their mates to worry about you..

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

Although I know none of that is true, I can not change it.

Stop being so negative; this is your main downfall at the moment; your negativity. Of course you can change it. Remember: You're in control of your body, not the other way around, your body and mind doesn't control you. You just have to want it enough.

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

always worrying about how I look, if my shirt is dirty, or if my hairs messed up, its so stressful, so stupid..

It's not stupid, you're just paranoid, that's all. We all have it, just some more than others.. And I'm sure you'll be looking fine, unless you've done something to alter the way you look, which I doubt, so no need to worry about that; that's not your main problem at the moment..

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

Picking up a girlfriend seems impossible

You won't stay single all the time, the right girl WILL come along, trust me. But like I've said, gf's aren't your number one priority at the moment. You need to sort your life out before you can even think about commiting yourself to a girl. So we'll come back to this later.

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

I preech what I am not, always telling people to stop being scared, and ask for her phone number, or to ignore what other people think.. but ultimately I care more about what other people think than I care about myself.

Well it's good to a certain extent to put your friends 1st sometimes, but not all the time.. you can't always put other people 1st, Brandon, it's not any good for you. You need to think about yourself and start thinking about YOU. Care about your friends, yeah, but don't make them your number one priority over yourself. I'm sure your friends wouldn't constantly be putting you before them...

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

I have always been fearful of everything. as a brief example, I'll see a medical show of somebody having a heart attack, for some reason all I can think about is me having chest pains, anxiety, and I worry like I feel the same way.

You're putting yourself in their shoes, you're imagining what they're thinking/feeling, it's nothing to worry about. Even I do that sometimes. It gives you a good idea of how the other person is feeling..

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

I'll worry that I'm too skinny, and feel like I don't eat much.. than I'll worry myself sick that I cannnot eat..

This is getting psychological now. You're going around in circles in your head. You start thinking you're too skinny and that people won't like it (I take it you care alot about what other people think about you?), and because you're getting so worked up, you can't eat.
Stop getting worked up, calm down and think to yourself... if you think you're too skinny, then eat more. But don't change yourself for other people; you are who you are. Do NOT change yourself for the kids at school, if they don't like how you look, then tough.. you weren't bought into this world to please and satisfy them. Just remember that.

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

I'll be so scared of walking down my street, just thinking that people are watching me. Knowing practically none of this is true, and it's stupid to worry aout such things, I cna't stop it.

You CAN stop it. You're only feeling like this because you obviously highly take into consideration what other people think of you, and if you're 'cool/good enough' to fit in. It's the state of mind you're in, but it'll be worked on and it'll gradually fade.

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

none of this just happens for one time, it lasts forever, and returns in the future after I get over it.

No offense, Brandon, but you do sound emotionally unstable. But you're a teenager, you still have raging hormones, it's only natural to feel like this, but some take it harder than others.. You're not any different from the others at school, you just take a different approach to things, and see and think things differently, but it's part of who you are.

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

I feel I can not cure anything on my own..

Like I say, consult your parents and talk to them about this.. Tell them everything, they could help a whole lot more than anyone on a message board could.

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

all hope seems lost.. lol ..

Of course it isn't lost.. You just need to control yourself and WANT to get get better, it's only once you've convinced yourself you want to, you actually will..

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

I sometimes, well often.. worry that I cannot sleep, and I'll keep myself up all night thinking that, when I know damn well I can sleep if I stop thinking this.

If you know you can sleep, then do it. Stop convincing yourself you can't. Infact, stop thinking about it at all when you go to bed.

Originally Posted by Still Broken.

maybe targeting all of my problems is what I'd love to do, but what I'm really trying to change is my social problems.. always being shy, quiet, losing what friends I have, and the inability to make new friends.

You CAN make friends. And being shy and quiet is NOT a problem. I say you should talk to your parents about everything; they'll be there for you, they'll advise you the best they can, it's definitely your best bet.
Another thing - you're always SO negative, and look at where it's getting you?! You seem out of control. The more you say you can't do anything, you WON'T be able to do it.
You NEED to have that positive attitude and start telling yourself you CAN do it, and believe me... after a while of thinking like that, you'll notice a dramataic change in the way you feel, see others, treat others.. Thinking positivly is so necessary because you know deep down that you CAN do it, but for some reason, you feel the need to choose not to believe it, which honestly isn't getting you anywhere.
Stop bottling things up, talk to people; you'll feel so much better once it's off your chest, I promise you.
Good luck with everything, Brandon. Haha, I've had to delete some of your quotes 'cause it says I've wrote too much.

[Carter]

Originally Posted by *N·i·c·o·l·є*

~Nicoles mega-excellent-post~

I SO tried to rep' you for that but apparently I've got to spread the love first.

[Violent Pacifist]

Except for the extremes, you've just described me a few years ago. I only changed because I started lifting weights, something that I've always been interested in for sometime. I finally signed up for Basic Weights in school and now I have over 250 lbs of weights at home.

Now, I have no intention of reading all of the cut up conversation, so I don't know if this has been said or not but, just do something that you've always wanted to do, regardless of how it might make you fell. Don't think about it, just do it. Once you find something that you can be free in, hold onto it and let it help you crack open your shell.

[Blindsided.]

Originally Posted by Toothpick

Girl problems. Seriously, don't let your shyness(sp) take-over you. If you like a girl in your class, go up to her and compliment her on her hair, just be nice and compliment her, sooner or later, you will be friends with her. Ask her for her number, just say it in a simple sentence, nothing to think about, 'hey, can I get your number ?' Think of it like this, she's one of the million girls in your school (like I said before) so if she thinks you're a total nut.. who cares? Don't act like she's Jessica Alba and you have to have to be something that you're not. And - even if she does think you're a nut, she'll still 'label' you as someone who isn't scurred to talk or another dork. Give it a few days, and I'm sure you two would be talking like crazy. Guaranteed.

lol, the only girl I'm really interested in now.. I don't know her name, I only have study hall with her, maybe once a week, I don't even know what grade shes in, but I think she's a senior.. I might actually put myself to work and , at least.. find out her name, and then talk to her. I can't be scared of getting rejected, fuck all of that.

So far I've missed 8 days, and it's the fourth week of school. My mom let me stay home 2, I skipped the rest.. the Principle called my house today, I'm basically ****ed, lol.. Either Truancy fine, 12 days suspsension, or I tell my mom about four of them ,and get off with 4 days suspension, and be grounded forever..

I don't wanna let her down, I put myslef in this position.. tomorrow I DO go back to school.. I'm so scared..