Closet Gays

**PhillyStorm** · 10-26-2006, 11:09 PM

What is your input on this? Why do you think they hide themselves from the truth? Is it peer pressure, is it fear if family/religion, or is it that they do not fully understand themselves? Have you ever been in this situation and if so, how were you able to overcome the guilt you felt about your sexuality and about the fear of letting everyone know of who you are?

This is a 2 part thread so bare with me

I also wanted to know, if you could make a difference in the gay community by just helping younger kids overcome the fear of being gay to even helping with Aid walks and organizations dealing with gays, how would you go about doing it?

Stoner Princess · 10-26-2006, 11:13 PM

I think it's because of peer pressure, simply because one of my closest friends is a le.sbian, and all the preppy slu.ts and jocks etc all laugh at her and start rumors. The second biggest reason is probably they're deathly afraid their parents won't accept them because they've heard stories about parents that actually disowned their children for being gey/lez. If i could help them, I'd probably make a motivational speech and accept them, and build their confidence

Luka · 10-27-2006, 12:04 AM

I think they hide due to close people around them eg; family/friends etc.
Also maybe the fact that they're in denial and don't wish to believe themselves as gay. Some people can think they're gay and realise it's only a phase due to hormones etc so maybe that's why they don't come out and say incase it is just a phase.
I've been that way before, yes. When I was 14, I came out but I was scared because I didn't want to be the disapoointment in the family for not wanting children or to produce a grandchild for my parents.
So I finally plucked up courage with a bottle of vodka in my system and blatantly said: ''I want to shag men!''
Nowadays I couldn't give two hoots about what people think of me regarding my gayness. They have a problem with it, they deal with it, because the people who i classified as friends at school, some whom I've told have disowned me because of it. But that's fine, because I'm happier than them.

And as for the helping out with younger gays, I wanna be a counsellor or an advice therapist person who can help and advise in sticky situation/problems etc. I'd really enjoy doing that.

Samoshi · 10-27-2006, 03:56 AM

Well, speaking from personal experience here..

Coming out of the closet over the web is hard. But coming out in real life will be extra hard.
It's because I fear what people will think of me. I fear, I may lose the love I share for my family and friends..
It's scary and yes, I am yet to come out of the closet irl. It's scaring me.
I'm not so ashamed about Being gay, but I fear my family might be. I intend to tell them soon though.
So yeah, basically I hid it from all of you, because
1. I Didn't accept it
2. I feared the reaction
I think having Gay friends is needed for us though. Like me, I had Gay friends I told first, which turned out to be the best move I've ever made.

I'd love to just fit in Philly, and that sounds like a great Idea. It could help us finally agree with our sexuality choices. It hurts for me though, I have no-one close to me that is Gay, so whom am I to speak to? So yes, it is a great Idea. Get it going in Australia first.

Willy_Wonka · 10-27-2006, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samoshi

I have no-one close to me that is Gay, so whom am I to speak to?

Can't you talk to a school peer counselor or a guidance councelor? Something like that? I would think that it is hard keeping up a facade for so long, but you're only 15 years old. I'm 17. I'm not saying that I'm gay or anything because I'm not, but I have had thoughts...ONLY THOUGHTS of being "with" certain, few males. LOL. They're just thoughts. I have a girlfriend anyway.

seXybitCh23 · 10-27-2006, 06:08 PM

I personally think that the reason why we have closet gays is because there's so much pressure on coming out of the closet. A friend of mine was scared to come out because he didn't know what his family might think.. his friends etc. He came from a very religious family.. so thats another thing too.
Granted, love was there for him.. but his father wanted that "football quarter back" kinda son. His dad took it the hardest and his mom accepted him. It was easier for him to tell his friends than his family. He was in denial most of the time I knew him in high school. He dated girls. When we graduted.. thats when he kinda came out of the closet.

Now he's just full blown.. in your face kinda guy now

I've heard so many horror stories about people coming out and telling their folks and their folks try to "cure" them with the church. Granted, not every family responds that way. Some families are more accepting.

*Pure Eyes* · 10-27-2006, 06:13 PM

Errrrr, from people I know, I have seen that they get judged alot. they are 2 lezbians

and many gays and lezbians are under alot of pressure from others.

Also, parents always seem to be so disapointed about their child being gay =\ maybe the child doesnt want his/her parent to reject them. The worst feeling you can ever feel is being rejected by your mother, father or both. Sometimes religion plays a part, but not that much.

Willy_Wonka · 10-28-2006, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seXybitCh23

but his father wanted that football quarter kinda son.

That's one thing that makes coming out so difficult for some. Parents need to accept their kids for who they are and not for what they'd like them to be.

jasper1 · 10-28-2006, 08:19 AM

it is very difficult to come out and be accepted in the world you come out to,as all the people you finally tell will feel slightly cheated and lied to in a strange kind of way-dont get me wrongim sure that some of your closest family members would have had an inkling anyway that you were gay and it doesnt seem to bother them. But others def. will feel anger and resentment towards you and its these relationships you got to work hardest at.its not easy not by a long shot and some im afraid will never accept it and you've got to let it go.
my own experience was that coming from a rough place and a rough family it was going to be tough whenever i did it.so i just did it and to hell with them!!that was when i was 14 and unfortunately being from a family and area like that made it really difficult so as a result i left home at 16 to live my own "happier" gay life but now all these years later i just want to say, it does get easier-takes a while but all my family relationships are now fine and i can visit home feeling comfortable and proud and the honesty and trust in these relationships is totally back again-because i proved i was a hard working,honest caring person who just happened to be gay not the other way round! your *** life and lifestyle should always come after what kind of person you are.

ty

Tony Liverpool_UK · 10-28-2006, 10:50 AM

As i have said in previous threads on this subject, the hardest thing about coming out is to urself, its quite surprising how many family members already know or suspect when u r gay, they may not like it, but it's beyond thier control, and it is worth poining out, tht most parents want wht is best for thier offspring, being gay was never part of tht, which is y a lot react so badly, as for friends, if they're true friends, they'll take u as u are, after all, being gay does not change who u r, just who u choose as a se,ual partner, and if they cannot cope with tht then maybe they were not good friends in the 1st place.

10-26-2006, 11:09 PM	#1
PhillyStorm Gay Chat Administrator Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: On the other side. Posts: 18,377	Closet Gays What is your input on this? Why do you think they hide themselves from the truth? Is it peer pressure, is it fear if family/religion, or is it that they do not fully understand themselves? Have you ever been in this situation and if so, how were you able to overcome the guilt you felt about your sexuality and about the fear of letting everyone know of who you are? This is a 2 part thread so bare with me I also wanted to know, if you could make a difference in the gay community by just helping younger kids overcome the fear of being gay to even helping with Aid walks and organizations dealing with gays, how would you go about doing it? __________________ *Xavier <3* *ChickstaStorm* *~My Wifey~*

10-26-2006, 11:13 PM	#2
Stoner Princess Intermediate Chatterbox Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Over Yonder Posts: 1,394	I think it's because of peer pressure, simply because one of my closest friends is a le.sbian, and all the preppy slu.ts and jocks etc all laugh at her and start rumors. The second biggest reason is probably they're deathly afraid their parents won't accept them because they've heard stories about parents that actually disowned their children for being gey/lez. If i could help them, I'd probably make a motivational speech and accept them, and build their confidence __________________ Illegal immigration is wrong because it's illegal, therefore it should be illegal.

10-27-2006, 12:04 AM	#3
Luka John O' Scots. Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: City Of Wonder. Posts: 38,731	I think they hide due to close people around them eg; family/friends etc. Also maybe the fact that they're in denial and don't wish to believe themselves as gay. Some people can think they're gay and realise it's only a phase due to hormones etc so maybe that's why they don't come out and say incase it is just a phase. I've been that way before, yes. When I was 14, I came out but I was scared because I didn't want to be the disapoointment in the family for not wanting children or to produce a grandchild for my parents. So I finally plucked up courage with a bottle of vodka in my system and blatantly said: ''I want to shag men!'' Nowadays I couldn't give two hoots about what people think of me regarding my gayness. They have a problem with it, they deal with it, because the people who i classified as friends at school, some whom I've told have disowned me because of it. But that's fine, because I'm happier than them. And as for the helping out with younger gays, I wanna be a counsellor or an advice therapist person who can help and advise in sticky situation/problems etc. I'd really enjoy doing that. __________________ 'Cause we were both young, when I first saw you.

10-27-2006, 03:56 AM	#4
Samoshi Kids Chat Mod Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Haus Of GaGa Posts: 13,181	Well, speaking from personal experience here.. Coming out of the closet over the web is hard. But coming out in real life will be extra hard. It's because I fear what people will think of me. I fear, I may lose the love I share for my family and friends.. It's scary and yes, I am yet to come out of the closet irl. It's scaring me. I'm not so ashamed about Being gay, but I fear my family might be. I intend to tell them soon though. So yeah, basically I hid it from all of you, because 1. I Didn't accept it 2. I feared the reaction I think having Gay friends is needed for us though. Like me, I had Gay friends I told first, which turned out to be the best move I've ever made. I'd love to just fit in Philly, and that sounds like a great Idea. It could help us finally agree with our sexuality choices. It hurts for me though, I have no-one close to me that is Gay, so whom am I to speak to? So yes, it is a great Idea. Get it going in Australia first. __________________ Pop ate my heart, like a Beautiful Monster LADY \| GAGA Baby loves to Dance In The Dark, Cause when he's looking she falls apart Baby loves to Dance In The Dark

10-27-2006, 06:08 PM	#6
seXybitCh23 Bronze Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: My apartment Posts: 4,751	I personally think that the reason why we have closet gays is because there's so much pressure on coming out of the closet. A friend of mine was scared to come out because he didn't know what his family might think.. his friends etc. He came from a very religious family.. so thats another thing too. Granted, love was there for him.. but his father wanted that "football quarter back" kinda son. His dad took it the hardest and his mom accepted him. It was easier for him to tell his friends than his family. He was in denial most of the time I knew him in high school. He dated girls. When we graduted.. thats when he kinda came out of the closet. Now he's just full blown.. in your face kinda guy now I've heard so many horror stories about people coming out and telling their folks and their folks try to "cure" them with the church. Granted, not every family responds that way. Some families are more accepting. __________________ Demand Everything.. & Never Settle for Less

10-27-2006, 06:13 PM	#7
Pure Eyes Senior Newbie Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: London Posts: 159	Errrrr, from people I know, I have seen that they get judged alot. they are 2 lezbians and many gays and lezbians are under alot of pressure from others. Also, parents always seem to be so disapointed about their child being gay =\ maybe the child doesnt want his/her parent to reject them. The worst feeling you can ever feel is being rejected by your mother, father or both. Sometimes religion plays a part, but not that much. __________________ No One Is Perfect, We All Make Mistakes The Secret Is To Learn From Them Thats What Gets Us Through Life <3

10-28-2006, 08:19 AM	#9
jasper1 Speechless Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3	coming out etc it is very difficult to come out and be accepted in the world you come out to,as all the people you finally tell will feel slightly cheated and lied to in a strange kind of way-dont get me wrongim sure that some of your closest family members would have had an inkling anyway that you were gay and it doesnt seem to bother them. But others def. will feel anger and resentment towards you and its these relationships you got to work hardest at.its not easy not by a long shot and some im afraid will never accept it and you've got to let it go. my own experience was that coming from a rough place and a rough family it was going to be tough whenever i did it.so i just did it and to hell with them!!that was when i was 14 and unfortunately being from a family and area like that made it really difficult so as a result i left home at 16 to live my own "happier" gay life but now all these years later i just want to say, it does get easier-takes a while but all my family relationships are now fine and i can visit home feeling comfortable and proud and the honesty and trust in these relationships is totally back again-because i proved i was a hard working,honest caring person who just happened to be gay not the other way round! your *** life and lifestyle should always come after what kind of person you are. ty

10-28-2006, 10:50 AM	#10
Tony Liverpool_UK Junior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 260	As i have said in previous threads on this subject, the hardest thing about coming out is to urself, its quite surprising how many family members already know or suspect when u r gay, they may not like it, but it's beyond thier control, and it is worth poining out, tht most parents want wht is best for thier offspring, being gay was never part of tht, which is y a lot react so badly, as for friends, if they're true friends, they'll take u as u are, after all, being gay does not change who u r, just who u choose as a se,ual partner, and if they cannot cope with tht then maybe they were not good friends in the 1st place. Last edited by Tony Liverpool_UK; 10-28-2006 at 11:10 AM.

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