advice pleeease or help..something!

Leighann21 · 10-30-2006, 07:53 PM

ok.. I need help from someone or advice.. I am pretty sure i am lesbian. I have never told anyone or anything so this is the first. The thing is at first i was in denial or was scared my family who is very religous would not have anything to do with me, so to try to be as normal as possible i got married to my best friend from high school. And he is a good guy and everything and I do love him..but its as a friend, I know this because he has never given me the " butterflies " like girls do and well I just know its not the same feeling as I get when I am around girls I am attracted to. So I do not know what to do, if I should just live with the choice I have made or to come totally out of the closet..because right now it sucks to be totally attracted to someone and not be able to tell them or show them. So if someone has ever been in the same boat as me or can give me some advice I would really appreciate it, thanks

The Voice · 10-30-2006, 08:06 PM

It depends on how seriously you take marriage.

"Til death do us part" means just that.

Unless you don't take marriage quite that seriously (which obviously a lot of people don't).

Nebacudnezar · 10-30-2006, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leighann21

ok.. I need help from someone or advice.. I am pretty sure i am lesbian. I have never told anyone or anything so this is the first. The thing is at first i was in denial or was scared my family who is very religous would not have anything to do with me, so to try to be as normal as possible i got married to my best friend from high school. And he is a good guy and everything and I do love him..but its as a friend, I know this because he has never given me the " butterflies " like girls do and well I just know its not the same feeling as I get when I am around girls I am attracted to. So I do not know what to do, if I should just live with the choice I have made or to come totally out of the closet..because right now it sucks to be totally attracted to someone and not be able to tell them or show them. So if someone has ever been in the same boat as me or can give me some advice I would really appreciate it, thanks

I have never been in the same situation you are in because i am not married but i do understand your dilemma.

I am still in the closet no one know's i am gay because i am to scared to tell any one but when i am around guy's i get the butterfly's big time but i am a total coward i am 24 and i am a closet case some time's i get depressed about it all but i just go with the flow really that's all you can do so dont be to hard on your self.

Take a bit of time to understand your own feeling's and when your ready to act on them you will but nothing will happen untill it's time good luck.

canadian bear · 10-30-2006, 09:38 PM

well i would do whatever makes you happy. and to me you dont seem happy so i would tell them. as for your family being religous they will still love you, sure it is going to be hard on them and they will need some time to get used to it. as for your husben he porb can tell something isnt right, you should tell him frist then your family. hope every thing works out for you

ÚñkñöwÑ™ · 10-31-2006, 01:33 AM

::If you haven't already gotten help::

Okay, here's what I think you should do:

I honestly believe that when the time is right, you will be able to come out and tell the people you love who you really are. If I were in your situation I would come out and tell them. Yes it will be hard for you and them both, but when everything settles down and they get used to it, you'll feel 100% better being around people you love without having to keep a huge secret bottle up inside.

Just trust what your heart tell you and how you feel inside. You can do, I know you can. ^_^

Luka · 10-31-2006, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leighann21

ok.. I need help from someone or advice.. I am pretty sure i am lesbian. I have never told anyone or anything so this is the first. The thing is at first i was in denial or was scared my family who is very religous would not have anything to do with me, so to try to be as normal as possible i got married to my best friend from high school. And he is a good guy and everything and I do love him..but its as a friend, I know this because he has never given me the " butterflies " like girls do and well I just know its not the same feeling as I get when I am around girls I am attracted to. So I do not know what to do, if I should just live with the choice I have made or to come totally out of the closet..because right now it sucks to be totally attracted to someone and not be able to tell them or show them. So if someone has ever been in the same boat as me or can give me some advice I would really appreciate it, thanks

You shouldn't have gotten married if you knew you were a lesbian, despite your family's religion.
You must come clean to your husband, otherwise it'll only get worse for the both of you. You can't stay in a ''marriage'' with no real love for each other, especially when you're a lesbian.
Of course it'll hurt once you come clean, that's only natural, but you can't change what you are.

Willy_Wonka · 10-31-2006, 04:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leighann21

ok.. I need help from someone or advice.. I am pretty sure i am lesbian. I have never told anyone or anything so this is the first. The thing is at first i was in denial or was scared my family who is very religous would not have anything to do with me, so to try to be as normal as possible i got married to my best friend from high school. And he is a good guy and everything and I do love him..but its as a friend, I know this because he has never given me the " butterflies " like girls do and well I just know its not the same feeling as I get when I am around girls I am attracted to. So I do not know what to do, if I should just live with the choice I have made or to come totally out of the closet..because right now it sucks to be totally attracted to someone and not be able to tell them or show them. So if someone has ever been in the same boat as me or can give me some advice I would really appreciate it, thanks

My advice to you........be an open lesbian and **** what anyone else has to say!

Tony Liverpool_UK · 10-31-2006, 11:10 AM

Be urself is all I can say, and follow ur heart, as has already been said, ur husband no doubt rea;ises there is something not quite right in ur relationship, and yes, telling him will hurt him if he loves, u don't say this. As for ur family, I have never told mine iether, but they do know, they have an instinct bout such things, and maybe urs know as well, it would be better to sort urself out now, rather than wait for the possibility of children becoming involved in ur failing marriage, only then can u both move on, I have known lesbians who married and had kids b4 *coming out* and men also, some of whom are now grandparents.

The one thing I always say is, coming out to urself is the hardest hurdle to cross, if u feel u cannot tell ur family, then don't until ur ready, but also ask ur husband not to tell them as well, I'm sure he would agree to tht, as he may not want to think it was something *he did* to make u tht way, as some backward thinking people believe.

I wish u all the luck for the future, and remember, being gay/lesbian does NOT change u, the person, just who u wish to spend ur life with.

Willy_Wonka · 10-31-2006, 10:18 PM

I'll just say this - It's not uncommon for closet homosexuals to get married to the opposite ***.

10-30-2006, 07:53 PM	#1
Leighann21 Speechless Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 1	advice pleeease or help..something! ok.. I need help from someone or advice.. I am pretty sure i am lesbian. I have never told anyone or anything so this is the first. The thing is at first i was in denial or was scared my family who is very religous would not have anything to do with me, so to try to be as normal as possible i got married to my best friend from high school. And he is a good guy and everything and I do love him..but its as a friend, I know this because he has never given me the " butterflies " like girls do and well I just know its not the same feeling as I get when I am around girls I am attracted to. So I do not know what to do, if I should just live with the choice I have made or to come totally out of the closet..because right now it sucks to be totally attracted to someone and not be able to tell them or show them. So if someone has ever been in the same boat as me or can give me some advice I would really appreciate it, thanks

10-30-2006, 08:06 PM	#2
The Voice A True Chatmaster Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: 40° 34′ 33″ N, 84° 11′ 34″ W Posts: 27,860 Blog Entries: 1	It depends on how seriously you take marriage. "Til death do us part" means just that. Unless you don't take marriage quite that seriously (which obviously a lot of people don't). __________________

10-31-2006, 10:18 PM	#9
Willy_Wonka Banned Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Queens, N.Y. Posts: 1,427	I'll just say this - It's not uncommon for closet homosexuals to get married to the opposite **. Last edited by PhillyStorm; 11-01-2006 at 12:35 AM.*

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10-30-2006, 09:38 PM	#4
canadian bear Speechless Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 8	well i would do whatever makes you happy. and to me you dont seem happy so i would tell them. as for your family being religous they will still love you, sure it is going to be hard on them and they will need some time to get used to it. as for your husben he porb can tell something isnt right, you should tell him frist then your family. hope every thing works out for you

10-31-2006, 01:33 AM	#5
ÚñkñöwÑ™ Speechless Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1	::If you haven't already gotten help:: Okay, here's what I think you should do: I honestly believe that when the time is right, you will be able to come out and tell the people you love who you really are. If I were in your situation I would come out and tell them. Yes it will be hard for you and them both, but when everything settles down and they get used to it, you'll feel 100% better being around people you love without having to keep a huge secret bottle up inside. Just trust what your heart tell you and how you feel inside. You can do, I know you can. ^_^

10-31-2006, 11:10 AM	#8
Tony Liverpool_UK Junior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 260	Be urself is all I can say, and follow ur heart, as has already been said, ur husband no doubt rea;ises there is something not quite right in ur relationship, and yes, telling him will hurt him if he loves, u don't say this. As for ur family, I have never told mine iether, but they do know, they have an instinct bout such things, and maybe urs know as well, it would be better to sort urself out now, rather than wait for the possibility of children becoming involved in ur failing marriage, only then can u both move on, I have known lesbians who married and had kids b4 coming out and men also, some of whom are now grandparents. The one thing I always say is, coming out to urself is the hardest hurdle to cross, if u feel u cannot tell ur family, then don't until ur ready, but also ask ur husband not to tell them as well, I'm sure he would agree to tht, as he may not want to think it was something he did to make u tht way, as some backward thinking people believe. I wish u all the luck for the future, and remember, being gay/lesbian does NOT change u, the person, just who u wish to spend ur life with.