Gay teens struggle for Acceptance...

[Dark@ngel]

Coming out tests bonds with friends and family

By Andy Goldblatt, 18, and Mallory Jones, 16
Y-Press

"Boys are icky," Alexa Farmer said to her mom in the car one afternoon when the subject of guys came up a couple of years ago. "Well, do you like girls?" her mother asked in the same joking way.

"Yeah," said Alexa, turning serious. She suddenly felt scared and wanted to jump out of the car.

They were both quiet, and then Alexa's mother looked at her, expecting her daughter to say it was just a joke.

"No, I'm serious," said Alexa, who is now 18. "I do like girls. I love girls."
This is how the Center Grove student revealed that she was a lesbian. It was the beginning of her journey of trying to explain herself and her sexuality to her family and friends.

To homosexual youth, the experience of revealing their sexuality to their families can range from entering into a new understanding with their loved ones to dealing with their complete shock and disapproval.

"My mom was pretty accepting," Alexa said. "It took her a little bit to realize: 'Oh, she's gay.' But now she's cool with it."

But it was different with her father. She told him during family therapy, but it was not without difficulty.

"He immediately started crying, talking about Judgment Day, and I mean, my dad has never cried," Alexa said.

"Now he just avoids the topic altogether. He will never mention the fact that I'm gay."
Alexa's father believes homosexuality is a sin, and he's tried to bring her back to his church to prevent her from remaining gay, she said.

According to "The New Gay Teenager," a book by Cornell University Professor Ritch C. Savin-Williams (Harvard University Press, 2005), the average gay teen comes out before entering high school or right after high school. About 5 percent of American high school students -- or 750,000 students nationwide -- identify as being lesbian or gay, according to a 2004 national poll by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN).

Trent Nauth, 18, decided to come out to his mother because he hoped that it would make their relationship more open.

"She kind of flipped out, (and) didn't really like hearing such things," he said. Trent's mother kicked him out of the house. His dad, divorced from Trent's mom, has been more accepting.

"He was just, like, 'Play it safe.' Now we have even a closer relationship than before," Trent said.

Now living with his grandparents, Trent wouldn't recommend that other gay teens reveal their orientation to others.

"You're gonna have so much negative stuff directed toward you," Trent said. "If you're happy where you're at now, just stop and think about it."

For Jason Hughes, 16, coming out to his parents was stressful, but ultimately the right thing for him to do. He sat his parents down in their bedroom and said: "Mom and Dad, I think I'm gay. What are your views on that?"

First, they were silent; then they both started to cry.

"They told me that they loved me no matter what, and they needed to get back to me in a few days after they'd researched it and knew more things about this 'cause this was brand new to them," Jason said.

Now, they're accepting of Jason's homosexuality and are curious to learn more about it and know who he's dating.

One place that helps lesbian, gay, bisexual and transsexual youth -- or young people questioning their sexual identity -- is the Indiana Youth Group, a safe house in Indianapolis that offers support services and a recreation center.

"It's just a lot of fun. You can hang out, be with friends, be with people like you. There's a lot of things to get involved in, like a film project going on right now," said Alexa.

"IYG kind of gives me a place to go," said Josh Crane, 18. "If I hadn't gotten involved in programming like the ***, dating and relationship discussions, there's a lot I wouldn't know. There's a lot covered about safety and protection."

At the IYG center, Y-Press interviewed Alexa, a senior at Center Grove High School; Josh, who graduated last spring from Zionsville High School; and Trent, a senior at Danville High School. Jason, a sophomore at Zionsville High School, also was interviewed. Each teenager talked about how his or her life has changed since coming out.

All agreed they've encountered plenty of animosity. Each has put up with name-calling and people -- teachers and students -- condemning their sexual orientation.

In a 2003 National School Climate Survey by GLSEN, four out of five LGBT students hear anti-gay remarks in their schools regularly, and 39 percent reported being verbally or physically assaulted.

"I hear *** or 'That's so gay,' like 80 times a day, and you know, I really hate the use of ***," said Alexa. "I've just started saying 'That's so straight,' because I've decided straight people are much more boring than gay people.

"I would just stop people and ask them why they said that. . . . They never put it together that someone might be gay and hear that and feel something," he said.

Alexa and Josh founded a chapter of the Gay Straight Alliance at their respective schools in order to provide support, education and resources for and about gay teens.
Some school districts nationwide, including Franklin Township, have tried to stop the formation of Gay Straight Alliance chapters at their high schools. But repeatedly, courts have upheld the group's right to form and be active.

Currently, there are more than 3,000 GSA chapters registered with the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network.

Writing about the topic of teenage homosexuality recently caused controversy for one Indiana school district. Last month, Megan Chase, a sophomore at Woodlan Junior-Senior High School in Fort Wayne, wrote her first school newspaper editorial calling for tolerance of homosexuals. She wrote the piece after a friend disclosed that he was gay.



To read the student editorial, go to:
www.fortwayne.com/mld/journalgazette/16747287.htm

ASSISTANT EDITORS: Katie McDowell, 14; Becky Buchanan-Schwanke, 15; and Rachel Troy, 17.

[streeter]

The only time I feel uneasy about straight people is when I'm at a straight bar. You just don't get the same type of reception when with the straights. All other times are pretty much OK but I live in DC, where everyone is different.

[toby]

Originally Posted by streeter

The only time I feel uneasy about straight people is when I'm at a straight bar. You just don't get the same type of reception when with the straights. All other times are pretty much OK but I live in DC, where everyone is different.

Never have any problems anymore i believe people are accepting the fact gay is not a problem,i live in the uk and str8 bars are used by gay ppl aswell as gay bars clubs are used by str8.
love tobesxx

[twinkle toez]

Originally Posted by toby

Never have any problems anymore i believe people are accepting the fact gay is not a problem,i live in the uk and str8 bars are used by gay ppl aswell as gay bars clubs are used by str8.
love tobesxx

im straight and i dont pretend to know what its like to be gay.
however i have some thought on it .
i think that you need to be true to yourself
and try to live your life being honest with yourself
i believe god loves us all and created us with the knowledge of our differences.and loves each one of us regardless of our lifestyles or any of that!
i think we as people need to accept others and love them as we love ourselves.












light of the world shine on me love is the answer!

[Michael_2007]

At last a decent thread from dark@ngel. ....

The people you mentioned that had came out at a young age are very brave i think. *whipes tear from my eye*

I am in a kind of strange situation ... my whole family must suspect that ime gay and i no for certain that my mother nows i am but every time i think about just comeing out i get exstreemly scared and i start crying .... i think i am going to do it very soon because i will be liveing on my own again soon and i will have the freedom i need to make my disicion so ye ...

Good thread dark boy.

[streeter]

Originally Posted by Michael_2007

At last a decent thread from dark@ngel. ....

The people you mentioned that had came out at a young age are very brave i think. *whipes tear from my eye*

I am in a kind of strange situation ... my whole family must suspect that ime gay and i no for certain that my mother nows i am but every time i think about just comeing out i get exstreemly scared and i start crying .... i think i am going to do it very soon because i will be liveing on my own again soon and i will have the freedom i need to make my disicion so ye ...

Good thread dark boy.

Good luck on your journey. I was scared to death when telling my family but in the end, I felt like a fool for being so nervous. All worked out well and it will for you.

[Dark@ngel]

Steeter well done, and congrats that all went well....
Micheal, not all situations are the same, in time, you will be strong enough to come out..
Even if you don't you must always believe in yourself..
Even if some family members dont agree at first.. in their heart they find the compasion to love and some how deal with it....

[Cherryz]

So ok uhmm what if a teen tells his mom I'm gay and her only responce is: You're gonna let ferry farts followed by laughing? Laughing stops then it's we will talk about this tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes.Now before you think I'm making fun of gay people with this post I'm not. It actually happened. Gotta admit it was funny though.

[briefsboi18]

VV tobes is so hawt XD

this is sucha big problem for so many gay people out there. coming out.
i havent even come out yet cause my parents would slam the door in my face if they ever found out...theyd never talk to me again...


ehh
well most of my family wouldnt either.

my question to everyone is how do you choose between them?
a family filled with people youve known forever and cherish
or coming out and being free and open with yourself, embracing who i truly am?
why should i have to choose? =/

[Luka]

I'd choose being gay over my parent.

That's the easiest decision ever.

The only decision I couldn't make is:

PhillyStorm or the 80's.
I'd be so distraught.
Infact I am even thinking of it.
I know what I'd choose though.

-Realises I was off-topic, but it was about decisions.-