Terrible Grieving Comments

[CuddleMe4Eva]

What are some of the most horrible comments you have heard a person make while you were going through the grieving process?

As with everyone I have lost several people very dear to my heart. One in particular was losing a child at birth. One of the absolutely most inconsiderate and stupidest comments, almost to the point where you wanted to slap them was---"At least you still have your son!" Ugggh! Yes, having my older child is a great blessing. However, losing the baby you have been through hell for and not get to reap the rewards of having it live is another factor all together. How stupid can people get?

[vonnie]

i hate when ppl say u will get over it,o it will get easier,u never get over loosing someone u love,especially if its unexpected as was my sisters death.
actually one thing said to my other sister which pi ssed her off wa a relative of hours said to her,i dont like visiting ur mum as she always seems down and sad,my sister replied what do u expect she lost her husband after him having heart bypass surgery,getting the all clear to be told a year later he has cancer which killed him 5 months after being diagnosed with it,3 years later she took a brain haemorragh which caused her to have a stroke which nearly killed her.then in october of the same year the day before her second olderst daughter is due home from her holiday we receive a phone cal saying she had passed away she couldnt get to see her to say bye,she had to say it to her coffin.also a few other family problems in between what do u expect her to be full of life and laughing all the time,ppl should think before they open there mouths

[CuddleMe4Eva]

Ohh, Bonnie Vonnie! Such stupid people really are out there I tell ya. It is so hard to imagine that people can be so dumb when it comes to grieving. This shocks me because we all go through it at some point in our life, grieving I mean. Why then do they say such ridiculous and uncaring remarks?

[CuteBlackBoy]

Originally Posted by CuddleMe4Eva

What are some of the most horrible comments you have heard a person make while you were going through the grieving process?

As with everyone I have lost several people very dear to my heart. One in particular was losing a child at birth. One of the absolutely most inconsiderate and stupidest comments, almost to the point where you wanted to slap them was---"At least you still have your son!" Ugggh! Yes, having my older child is a great blessing. However, losing the baby you have been through hell for and not get to reap the rewards of having it live is another factor all together. How stupid can people get?

Erm yeah their dead lets go eat

[Nikko]

mine wasnt so much what they said but also what they did.. when my father passed away suddenly all these people were showing up with cakes, and would say here i brought you a cake.... like that was going to make things ok, i understand the kind gesture but seriously how is a cake going to help.. we had about 15 cakes delivered in one day so in the end my sisters and i would answer the door and say sorry no more cakes we will accept cash or booze tho..

[Comrad]

Originally Posted by Nikko

mine wasnt so much what they said but also what they did.. when my father passed away suddenly all these people were showing up with cakes, and would say here i brought you a cake.... like that was going to make things ok, i understand the kind gesture but seriously how is a cake going to help.. we had about 15 cakes delivered in one day so in the end my sisters and i would answer the door and say sorry no more cakes we will accept cash or booze tho..

Lmao. It's supposed to be about how comfort food brings people together. Or something. I picked that up from a movie.

[Cat]

Frankly I don't look at what people say when others are grieving as being stupid. All too often when a death, particularly a sudden and tragic one happens, people just haven't the words in which to comfort others, so invariably use the old cliches.

Life goes on is commonly used, and whether you like it or not......life does go on. I lost two direct family members within six months of one another - one in very tragic circumstances, and if I had a pound for how many times someone said that to me I wouldn't be in these forums now. I'd be on my yacht. However you learn to accept what's happened, even though you always miss those who have gone. I'm just glad I had such a great family, and wonderful friends who took the time to visit, call, and hey even attend the funerals, whilst offering those so called "stupid" comments.

[CuddleMe4Eva]

I would agree with you on cat on the fact that I really don't believe that people intentionally try to make stupid remarks at this particular time. However, why haven't they learned from their own experiences on what to say and what not to say when it does come to this time for others? You know they have to have had the same thoughts about wondering as to why people would say such idiotic remarks when they were going through it.

I learned at a very young age to say to my family and friends who are going through the grieving process--May God be with you and comfort you. Then I always hug them and not say anything else. They know I am there for them if they need me. My best friend who has lost lots of close family members all within a short period of time told me once how much she appreciated me just being there--Not trying to find words to comfort her, in other words, not saying stupid stuff.

[Jenna]

I agree with cat.
I cant see any comment being terrible.
People just dont know what to say.. one of the rare times I'm at a loss for words.
Its not like anyone has it planned out in their heads what to say when you find out someone has passed.
No matter what anyone says nothing really comforts you anyway.
I do agree theres some people that dont think before they blurt things out though.
One of the worst things someone can say to another thats lost a child is
I know your pain.
Its like you do eh? why you havent lost a child

[Cherries in the snow]

Originally Posted by CuddleMe4Eva

I would agree with you on cat on the fact that I really don't believe that people intentionally try to make stupid remarks at this particular time. However, why haven't they learned from their own experiences on what to say and what not to say when it does come to this time for others? You know they have to have had the same thoughts about wondering as to why people would say such idiotic remarks when they were going through it.

Some people are not well-versed in comforting mourners and don't have the experiences of loss to know what to say. People grasp for something comforting to say but sometimes there's just nothing to say or people get nervous and say stupid things.

At a time of loss try to excuse people if they don't always know how to express their sympathy; one can't expect everyone to always know what to say to someone whose life has been shattered by great loss.

And I agree with Cat and Jenna.